Really LONG but please take a sec! OTSS
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| Sat, 03-29-2008 - 4:42am |
Our relationship end two weeks ago today... After all is said and done I know that we would have never made it. This does not erase the fact that I adored her, and wanted nothing more than to be with her through out. The main reason I think I'm having so much trouble letting go is the way she made me feel, and the way when we were inemnet we looked each other in the eye and voiced how special we were to each other. Unfortunately I am now realizing that the things I professed to her were out of love and commitment, but her words were empty and meaningless. Through out our relationship I put up w/a lot of things that I would have laughed at & ran from before. Since the day we broke things off she has not communicated w/me in any way (No answers, no call backs, no emails or replies). I'm sure when you read this you'll think I should have got the hint and just moved on "EASIER SAID THEN DONE". My X had a tremendous amount of childhood drama, and especially toward guys... For some reason I really thought that I took her away from that, and was showing her how a guy should treat her. I'm not saying I was perfect, but everyday I woke I tried my best to be for her... For US!I stood by her through thick (and she was there for me most of the time). Anyway, our break was horrible... I became a person I don't even know, and she turned on me as if I was trash to be thrown out. Towards the end things started to change, and I called her out on it... She started a new Job and something in her said she wanted that lifestyle more then ours... Which would be fine w/me if our lifestyle was normal for the past 6 months and I was just a leach or chain... She was on house arrest for a DUI and Agg Sault. (Long story short I was by her side 150% of the way b/c I believed in my heart she loved me. OK I'm going to move a little faster now... The day she got of house arrest I did not see her one more time! For the past month or so she was seeing a guy from work (who she claimed was just a friend) but also talking to her prior X which we went through hell w/in the beginning. Days before she was due to get off house arrest we were laying in her bed, and I looked her in the eye and brought to light these situations... She promised me (swore on her Gmom who has cancer) that she is in love w/me and it was innocent. This foolish guy gives her the benny of the dought. I remember telling her the bad things come in 3's, and for me it was just starting... I know this sounds ridiculous, but 3 day before that my amazingly loving dog dies at just 4yrs. I told her she would be the next , and I hope the other thing would not be that bad... Well it was! I lost her 2 weeks ago, and two days ago I was in the hospital with a mass in my stomach (test still pending).

Best of luck to you, and please do yourself a huge favor and let her go. You'll be better off for it in the long run, and it'll free you, your heart, and your mind up to find and notice someone who IS right for you.
Hope the tests turn out alright, and that treatment is as easy and effective as possible.