It's All Over Except for the Break-Up
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| Sun, 03-30-2008 - 10:21am |
I've been in a long-distance relationship for almost 3 years. Recently, after evaluating some things in my life, I've come to realize that this relationship, for all intents and purposes, isn't functional or healthy anymore. He sets a time-table to end the distance only to backtrack because of financial problems. This has happened not once, not twice, but at least three times. He constantly pressures me on issues and situations that I don't feel comfortable with or have already told him that are non-negotiable. I've decided that it's time to end this relationship so that we can both get on with what we need to do with our lives.
The thing is, he lives on another continent so I can't do the break-up face-to-face. Obviously, this would be the preferable way, but I'm going to have to do it over the phone. I pretty much have outlined what I'm going to tell him, and I'm psyched up to do it, it's just a matter of actually doing it. I had some things I needed to do for him before I reached this point, i.e., I mailed his birthday gift yesterday and set up a MySpace account for him to promote his music. I'm ready to do the break-up, but I don't feel that I can do that until he gets my gift. It will take a week at minimum for him to get the package, and yet here I sit, ready to end it all. I'd hate to break up before he gets it, because I'm afraid he would see the gift as a sign that I've changed my mind.
I've emotionally checked out of this relationship a long time ago, but he's still heavily engrossed in it. My other concern is his mental state. He has a history of severe depression, and I would have ended this sooner had he not been in a cycle of lowness recently. It seems to have lifted temporarily, but I'm worried that this will send him into another one. I'll be fine. I'm a resilient person who bounces back from these things quickly. He, on the other hand, I don't know. Should I be worried? I know he has plenty of friends, and he spends a lot of time with his kids, so there's a network of support for him. I just don't want to feel responsible for causing someone to completely flip out.
Any advice?


Welcome to the board mizzm77,
I'm not sure why you sent a gift if you knew you were going to break up with him, but.....
You are not responsible for someone else's mental state of mind.
I admit, mailing the gift was not a wise thing to do, but it was something I had no use for and couldn't give to anyone else. I should have sent it at Christmas, but bad weather and family obligations kept me from getting it mailed.
You're right; I'm not responsible for his mental state, and what I have to do is suck it up and do this like an adult.
"Aut dosce, aut disce, aut discede" - Latin Proverb