No Place To Go

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
No Place To Go
8
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 11:49am

I'm searching for advice on my current situation.


I live with my boyfriend of two years, we're decently happy, and I am physically (but not sexually) attracted to him, and we share many interests. However, I am not quite sure I still want to be dating this man. The big problem is that I have no where to go. We both got laid off our jobs, and he just got a lower paying job (compared to the last), and I am still looking for a job. All of our money is joint so if I were to take half I would severely hurt his chances of paying rent and bills (something we did mutually). I still love him, but I'm not sure I'm IN love with him anymore, but I still like him as a friend and I wouldn't want him to just get up and leave me if it were reversed (in the money sense).


I have been looking into dating sites and I met a man who I started e-mailing. Recently we met up and had a date, but I only kissed him. I feel horrible but what am I supposed to do when I'm stuck in this situation? The man I met has openly told me that he's met a couple other women over sites, and went on dates with them but it never worked out. Which would lead me to believe he would be more forgiving to a more open relationship, but he also told me he broke up with his girlfriend of many years after she cheated on him. I'm not sure how he would react to then knowing that I'm living with a man that I'm dating! I don't want to lose the chance at this new guy but, I don't really see a way I can break up with my boyfriend. Should I tell the other man about him and just be open with him about how I'm not happy? Or would this just push him away?


I-need-help. Please, if anyone has any advise I would appreciate it so much. Thank you.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:00pm

What you're "supposed" to do is be an *adult* and do the right thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:28pm

I live in a very small rural town, we just now got our first McDonalds (and so everyone got jobs there while I was still working at the factory and theres no positions open). We live in a small one bedroom appartment (and unless he got another girlfriend a room mate would then be out of the question), and he's the only one with a now working vehicle. Since we got laid off we have little money. I didnt want advice on how to cheat, I wanted advice on what to do in the situation I'm stuck in. What do I say to my boyfriend? I dont want to cheat, but, how can I break up with him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:55pm
well, for starters, maybe you need to put yourself in his shoes for once. No matter what degree of cheating you're doing, you need to realize that it is the most selfish act anyone can preform, besides suicide. Wheather you're sleeping, just dating, kissing, or fooling around a little bit with this internet guy, it's cheating because you have defiled the trust that your boy friend has for you. He trusted you NOT to date other men or kiss other men when he asked to be your boy friend. The words "I Love You" don't mean "i love you now, but go ahead and see other people when you're tired of me". Those three words are incredibly powerful and meaningful to someone who says them. What i reccomend you do, is gain that
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 12:59pm

You tell him the truth--that your relationship is no longer working for you and that you need to end it.


Do you have friends or family in the area you can move in with temporarily?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 1:01pm
Interesting--just goes to show you there's no one size fits all answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 1:12pm

*sigh* Its not like we havent had our ups and downs before, he's cheated on me-slept with-his ex girlfriend, so, its not like its a one way street of disrespect and betrayal, though, I'm not excusing my action.


Unfortunately all of my family is a couple states away, we though we were going to be together, well, forever,

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 1:23pm
In that case it sounds like you moving home would be a good idea. Would your family be willing to lend you the money necessary to make the move?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
In reply to: avantgarde
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 1:42pm
All in all, if he's cheated on you and you've cheated on him, this shouldn't be that difficult right?? If two people are really meant for each other, cheating would never be an option for any anger or temptation you might have. Tell him that straight up!