fwb?
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 03-30-2008 - 7:55pm |
OK...so I SORTA did a FWB thing this weekend. There was this guy I used to work with years ago and I NEVER saw him "like that." We became even better friends since I moved, talking fairly often thanks to modern technology (myspace, cell, IM). My boyfriend HATED that I spoke to this guy - he always got jealous. The guy always said he wanted more, but I knew him to be a flirt so I dismissed all of his "come-ons" and told him not to talk like that to me because it was "getting me in trouble." (I dunno how my bf found out but somehow he did).
So, anyways, my bf broke up with me almost a month ago. I go to NYC (3 hrs away) at least 2 weekends a month to see family, friends, and do appts (since that is my hometown). So, this guy always said he wanted to see me and I again laughed it off. Yesterday, I was going to hang out with one of my best friends for the night and he said he really was going to come and see me. He knows about the breakup tho not the details- just that it was a bad situation- and I told him no sex, I'd see him just to hang out. So he did drive a half hour all the way to my friend's house where we just hung out in her room and then hung out for awhile by ourselves (too late to go out anywhere).
Well, I guess after yrs of not seeing each other and all the convos on the phone, we kind of had all this pent up energy. We ended up kissing and messing around last night. But, the weird thing is- he asked me to go out with him when I come back, to stay an extra day (I couldnt- I have school stuff to do), and he said he wants to come visit me because I probably wont be back for 2 weeks.
So, these are my issues...
#1- I at first felt GUILTY (even tho my ex cheated on me and was the one to say he didnt love me anymore). This kid - my ex was always worried about and I had always assured him I would NEVER like this guy! lol IS THAT NORMAL?!
#2- I am not TOO worried about the hookup guy because he is kind of known to be a ladies man so I am sure he would not get the wrong idea. I am not TOO worried about my feelings because I never liked him like that and would not want a relationship with him. But, what if things got mixed up in my head because of my ex-issues? He was abusive and this guy is such a sweetheart. My ex was not very attentive in the "loving dept"- this guy is.
#3- In the past, I was NEVER a friends with benefits person. It kind of started out that way with my ex, but then we ended up dating. So, I am not really sure how I am/ would be with that stuff.
#4- Wouldn't know how to handle it if THIS turned into a rejection of some sort too. I still don't know how the guy feels about it. We have not spoken about it yet.
I think that's it. lol

Hi there!
Wow... I so know the feeling of not sure what to do. I too am somewhat in the same dilemma and realize like the last post I need to "be alone to heal". I have admired this new guy for a while and well since my break up was something that has been long awaited because of distance and other issues. I know not to pursue this new guy and just let myself heal from my break up of almost two weeks.
Soo... just wanted to let ya know you are not alone.
Enjoy the beauty of fwb :) Its def a beautiful thing, rare and special. Take it for what it is. Enjoy it, but if your not ready for anything to start than whats the problem? Im sure he understands you are in a vulerable place in terms of heartache and not ready to jump into something new. So I would ride the wave and see how it goes when u see him next. Maybe itll feel right? or maybe you need a little more time.. time will tell.
Spring is in the air! Dont feel guilty. That is the one thing I wish sometimes, its in our nature as women to not take in self pleasure that we so deserve ( well some of us givers) but HELL, enjoy what makes you feel good. A little boost of confidence is always good, especially in these times! it sounds like he cares for you and wouldnt you rather it be with him than with someone random? And as far as the x always being weary, haha. Hold that near and dear to you, b/c isnt it nice to feel that burst of ha ha "in your face?'.. Maybe that is just me being spiteful to the x's these days!
know you are beautiful and attractive to others, because you are and this situation proves it!
Best of luck figuring it out. I know it will unfold the way it should!! :)
aww thanks. Also, there was lots of guys my ex didn't like me talking to because of jealousy or because the guys were interested in me.
It's so true. I was ALWAYS a giver! I feel like it is my turn to be selfish a little bit. I am just out of the game for so long I am not sure if this guy just had a one time thing with me, or if he means for it to continue, or if he regrets it or what.
I didn't miss this part of being single! haha!
=)
I think everyone is misunderstanding. I do not want a relationship right now at all. I am just confused by this guy's intentions and confused as to whether a friends with benefits thing could be a good thing or not?
I completely realized that the old relationship was not for me and am not sad about it anymore. But, I still want to not get into a serious relationship anytime soon.
Sorry I misunderstood! So, glad you are feeling better! I guess go with your gut...and do what makes YOU happy. You deserve a little happiness after everything you have been through!