Do I contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Do I contact?
7
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 9:18pm

It has been four months since my ex and I broke up. Well, almost four months. Not that I'm counting or anything :)

I am moving back to my hometown in a couple of weeks. I had been thinking about it for a while and I have been planning it, but this last week I was laid off from my job. So, now I am going home, pronto!
I haven't spoken,e mailed, texted, read his myspace page or anything with my ex since our very painful breakup. I have been working hard on healing myself and trying to pick up the pieces. We had in some ways, an abrupt breakup, filled with a lot of confusion and pain. We didn't want to not be together, it just wasn't working and we didn't know how to fix it.

So, I finally just said "ENOUGH" and that was that. I miss him and I admittedly still have feelings for him. Although, i don't think reconciliation is a possibility.

My question here is ... do I let him know I am moving. I feel very strange just leaving without a note. I am not a believer in closure, not from another person, so I am not in anyway seeking a long drawn out conversation about what happen.
What I want, is to just say "I am moving. I hope you know there are no hard feelings." or something like that.
I just can't leave. We had something special, we shared so much and I would feel like a thief in the night just disappearing without letting him know....
Any thoughts?

i am aware that this could stir up a lot of grief for me; but I am already sad a lot thinking about how leaving this town is part of not being with him. I stayed here for him and for the future i thought we had.
And now I am leaving alone.
So, I just don't know.

Any advice??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 9:26pm

I think you need to be really clear on your motives. If you say "I'm moving, no hard feelings" or whatever, what do you hope to gain?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 9:40pm

I totally agree.
I am mulling this over. I had never even CONSIDERED contacting him, until my sister told me that It would be good.
She believes that I am over-dramatizing the breakup and that it is disrespectful for me to just leave without letting him know.

I didn't see it that way. I feel like contacting him is going to stir up all these feelings that I am not ready to handle. I am still grieving and I realize this.

Thanks for your comment

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: paprgrrl
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 10:46pm

Simply put, how would you feel if he did that? Then again, there's always email for keeping in contact at a much later date.

Good luck with your decision.

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 2:07pm

Well,

The thing is, is that I guess I would want to know if he was leaving the area.
I'm not just moving to another part of the city, I am moving clear across the state. And, I'm worried that by just picking up and leaving and not telling him, it is an act of ... not caring or honoring what he and I shared.

But truthfully, I am not in any way ready to speak with him NOR do I want to find out anything new about him. I don't want to know if he is dating or what's new and exciting in his life. I'm just not there.

So, my motives are sincere and with tinges of "hope" but I also don't want to stop protecting myself. Just thinking about this and writing practice letters on what i would say to him has made me upset.

Any more thoughts from the board??? What woudl you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 3:33pm

You said this issue is upsetting you- therefore you are probably not ready to let him know. There is nothing wrong with dropping him a note in a month or 6, or if the time comes you ever feel you can handle letting him know.

The other option would be a hand written note, with no return address- so you clearly do not expect contact.

IMO the fact that you are stressing over this and are uncomfortable spells out that its just not a good idea. You may feel differently once you are settled and can handle the thought without feeling like it will set you back

Good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: paprgrrl
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 4:09pm

Given that you do want to let him know but don't want to necessarily open communication with him yet, I'd send an email or a postcard and say, 'Wanted to let you know I'm moving out of the area.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 6:07pm

thanks for the feedback!

I am very nervous about the contact; i got a card and wrote a note and I am planning on sending it a few days before I move. I basically just said that i wanted to let him know i was moving; and that I would want to know if he moved, so that's why I am writing.
i said that i am not prepared to talk to him yet, because I am still sorting through the breakup, which was difficult.

This is a hard letter to write because i just feel like I have to address things; but i don't want to delve to much into it, either.
I had no idea this was going to be so hard. Moving from here feels like I am leaving him.
I mean, this kind of puts the nail in the coffin for me.

sigh ...