Make Me Stop! [breaking NC]

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Make Me Stop! [breaking NC]
9
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 3:09pm

Hi everyone,

I've posted about my situation on here before, but I broke it off with my fiance in mid-February. He has a terrible temper and is very controlling; he was rushing the marriage--in fact, tomorrow is the day we were supposed to get married! When I broke it off, a monster emerged, and he harassed and harangued me so terribly. A few weeks later, he made contact and tried to charm his way back in; when I expressed hesitation, he immediately reverted back to the "monster," as I term it.

Well, about a week ago I began to miss him, against my better judgement, and I made contact with him. He *immediately* began pressing me to tell him that I loved him and wanted to get back together--when I couldn't give him those answers right away, he again reverted back to verbal abuse. At that point, I was finished, but not before enduring another round of verbal and emotional abuse from someone that was supposed to love me.

Today is my birthday, and tomorrow is the day we were supposed to get married. Despite all that has happened, I would have THOUGHT he would have at least sent me an email expressing birthday wishes. Nothing! He is moving on with his life just fine, and despite my knowing I should do the same, I kind of miss him. It's stupid and irrational, I know. But I'm sitting here on my birthday, crying, because I just cannot believe he can be so cold-hearted. I half-tempted to email him. Please, why would I do that? He will either just tell me off, denigrating me in the process, or ignore me (doubtful--more than likely he will use any opportunity to abuse me). How can he move on so easily? Is it because he wasn't the one abused? Who knows. I'm just at a loss and need some sense whacked into me.

Some birthday. 28 years old and at an impasse!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 3:16pm

Happy Birthday timeofbutterflies!


Go DO something nice for yourself today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 4:00pm
You imposed NC and he is respecting it.

 

 

 

 

 

******************************************* “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 4:21pm

Happy Birthday timeofbutterflies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 7:48pm
Thanks, Carrie. Unfortunately, I had to work most of the day, and by the time I came home I was just mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. Sooo...I ate a bit more chocolate than usual!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 7:50pm

Thanks for your compassionate response. This line especially resonated with me:

"Why do you want him to send you an email for your birthday, to remind you that he CAN be nice if he wants to and is just CHOOSING to be a jerk?"

Very true. I didn't contact him, although I do have those nagging, tugging heartstrings that romantic saps moan about. Maybe I am just mourning what could have been, mourning the loss of those few shards of happiness and stability that peeked through in our relationship. Even though we broke up a while ago, I never really properly "mourned"--I was numb for a good two months.

One hour at a time, I guess...!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 04-03-2008 - 10:39pm

Aw, that sux about your birthday today. But even if you couldn't celebrate it very much on the actual day, take a day this weekend, or even the whole weekend, and do really great things for yourself!

It's still early in the process and you broke your engagement, it's normal to grieve for what could have been and won't be now. At the same time, I think you saved yourself a lifetime of misery later.

Good for you for being strong enough to get out. Hugs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 12:15pm

Butterflies,


This is simple advice... Watch the Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Jack Black...


I really hope you've never seen it.... because it got me through some tough times!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 11:12am

Oh, I definitely second that suggestion, kcolihan! The Holiday is just fabulous for the rough patches, and who can get enough of Jude Law? ;)



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uncommononsense
I can't go back to yesterday--because I was a different person then. --L. Carroll


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Tue, 04-08-2008 - 2:22pm

My crazy self LOVES Jack Black in that movie...


But Jude Law...Scrumptious too!