Some Really Great Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Some Really Great Advice
6
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 4:13pm

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that is not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in the relationship is you.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a man treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel like he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him a quasi-God.
He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all of the bending.... compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun.... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies... you'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 4:34pm

That's lovely! I've seen it before, but it takes on new meaning now that I'm in the midst (Day 4) of heartbreak.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 4:45pm
Great post!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 5:11pm
My pals struggling (Day 1) and I'm getting there (Month 4) .. yeah its taking a while but my situations a bit extreme .. 3 year relationship with the commitment-phobe boy next door who moved his new girlfriend in 3 weeks after we fell out (again) .. so not only did I get betrayed but him & her are also living next door .. (double ouch).
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 04-04-2008 - 5:19pm

Yikes! That's the one thing that I try to think "it can always be worse..."


As much as I was sad about it at first, HE wants a clean break from me, AND he lives 45 minutes away, so I won't be running into him. It'll be a forced cold Turkey kind of thing. And as far as contacting him, Even if I did he's the "Big Strong Psychology Major" and he'll turn me away anyway...so I'm sort of...afraid to! Haha.


So I guess there's just these feelings to deal with...that sense of loss.As I said in my "story" ...the way he handled this was pretty horrible, so whenever I'm feeling blue, I remember what a jerk he was.


I printed a bunch of things from the "Resources" folder and Im going to read those tonight. This will be weekend #1 for me... Saturday nights into Sunday were our days together.... so, here we go. As I said, it was only a 7 month (or year and a half, depending) but there was a lot invested in it...and there was a lot of feeling. My mom was convinced we were getting married.


Hmph. Jerk!.


Day 4.... Almost done ....it was REALLY rough today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 8:09am
I hear you .. wish I could jump some of the stages you simply HAVE to go through but I wouldn't want to mess with nature. I do know that our emotions .. every one of them .. are all just chemicals and a good cry is the best way to get them out of your system (thru your tear ducts) .. or exercise (through sweat) .. if only for a short respite.
.. at least you have your distance, K, my situation has been harder than dealing with true grief, (which I've experienced) because I've got his new girlfriend rubbing the new relationship in my face every day by parking her car outside my house every lunchtime & evening (she could park outside his but doesn't)!
What she doesn't realise though is that she's only managing to make me even stronger, and the more time goes by the more I pity her for being with a man whose major flaws are becoming more and more obvious as the hurt he's caused me recedes. He has his good points, no one's perfect, but she's got her work cut out for her, poor lass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 2:55pm

I know a lot of people have it worse off...I really do wish I could take some of the pain from you. I really do.

Stay positive, and "She has her work cut out for her.." is an awesome thought! :) He's crap... you are not =)