how much of your breakup was your fault?
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how much of your breakup was your fault?
| Tue, 04-08-2008 - 7:17pm |
so i was thinking about my breakup (2 months now and still talk to my ex) and just wondering how much of my breakup was my fault?
1 - I broke things off once i heard he wanted to be single

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Hi surfergirl,
Looking back - I can say that some of the breakup was my fault!
i feel much like you do gal_midgie. i must say i was the one to start the arguments (and overreacted sometimes) but i was only reacting to what he did. and like your ex, his actions weren't following his words.
i think there's going to be something we're at fault at, but we are human, not robots, we weren't programmed to react perfectly in every situation. we just have to let go of things that we did, even if they quickened the pace of our break up because if they really wanted to be with us they would have gotten past the problems just like we tried to do. i spent months going over what i did wrong but in the end you realize it just comes down to "did he want to be with me? obviously not, and thats where he messed up."
greekgirl23 I would just like to say how nice that was to hear.
I wholeheartdly agree with your comment, '"i spent months going over what i did wrong but in the end you realize it just comes down to "did he want to be with me? obviously not, and thats where he messed up."
Oh yes definately. Thats exactly how Ive been feeling. And the more you think what if the more you think you deserve a 2nd chance.
This site is great. Its completely opened my eyes to how other people feel as well as me. And how everyone is here to support eachother.
And its so strange how this no contact thing works. I thought he wouldnt think twice about me and i had a text message today. And it was so strange that I felt nothing. So this who's fault is it crap doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt come down to blame. So what if we did things wrong??? We are who we are and there is no way I would change the way I am for anyone. Not now not ever. If im not good enough to be with someone then bad luck to them. All of us have been through enough to start blaming ourselves!!!! And it just makes me angry
Natalie
When I think of the " what if´s ", and the things i might have done foir him to decide to no longer whant to be in a relationship with me, it feels terrible but then I remember all the things HE did that I could consider bad but I stayed and let them go by.
Nobody is perfect and if the relationship is so fragile for him then obviosly he just doesn´t love me enough or at all.
I did make mistakes but he made the same ones and other ones too, why didn´t I leave him ?, because I DID
Hi - reading through the thread, you said this... "I don't understand why guys will string two girls along when they really only want to be with one? "
Totally agree that honesty is always the best policy. It often causes more short term hurt than lying, but its always better off in the long run. I sure learned my lesson with that one. Kudos to your ex for having the balls to be honest with you even though it wasn't what you wanted to hear and was undoubtedly very painful. I remember your first post here... you appeared truly devastated. Congratulations on the progress you have made thusfar! and the strength you have shown in not falling into many of the break-up traps that so many of us do:)
As for my own healing, I'm done with the questions. I can dredge them up for the purpose of posting here, and I'll be honest, its a little cathartic. But I have better things to wait my time on than wondering about that at this point. He's a great guy, I'm a great girl, neither of us are perfect and we both made mistakes. Even for all the pain I experienced in that break up, I wouldn't trade the experience of meeting him and having him influence me to turn my life around for the better. He was brought into my life for a purpose, I once thought it was to be my partner in life... now I'm much more content to think it was to be an impetus for change and growth. I'm so glad we've been able to part ways as friends (after initial NC and healing of course) it greatly eases my conscience.
He's leaving in less than a month to head back to his hometown on the west coast (we both currently live on the east coast) which to me is perfect timing. Assuming that we remain friends across the distance, it will be much easier to see other people when prospective dates don't think we are dating any longer. We've become like peas in a pod (no FWB!) over the past few months, and although I cherish the close friendship that we have, we're ready for the next step of giving each other a little (a lot :P ) of space so that Mr. or Ms. Right does not get the wrong idea about how we interact. :D
It's a great feeling to be at that place where you've been single long enough that your not still hurting over your most recently relationship, but not long enough that the pressure is on to find someone new. While I don't want it to go on forever, I love this stage of singlehood... and it coinciding with spring/summer is not bad timing either for really enjoying it!
Goodluck with the rest of your healing process... and with the fitting in in your new town. New towns are great for fresh beginnings, but they can also be a little difficult as well. How's it going for you these days?
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