DO I LET HIM GO?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
DO I LET HIM GO?
20
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 2:50am

Hello everyone.


I was dating someone for about 8months, we were in love so quick, he is 4 years younger than me. i have never been happier in my life.


Somehow things changed and he distanced himself.. but when i message him he tell me he stills loves me and want me to be the mother of his children, but he just didnt make the effort to see me.


we agreed wed get bak together only like 2 weeks ago..but i have only seen him like once, and when i bring up that i need to see him more. he says your always arguing with me and bringing that up.it seems he doesnt want the pressure of a girlfriend.


So i said to him lets be friends the other day and he said no.. So anyway i cut contact for a few days and he sent me a message on my fone saying why are you ignoring me.. i love u and miss you.. but then when i call.. he doesnt say lets see each other, and complains he has no money.. i dnt want his money!


He has a great job and saves too very well.


Last time i spoke to him was 3 days ago and i said well do u want to go movies on friday and he said he planned a nite with his mate.. i was angry but i didnt show him that. he goes wat about saturday nite what

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 11:44am

I know that we never want to face the truth, because the truth hurts.
In my opinion, when a man wants to be with someone, he'll do whatever it takes.
Money or no money.
He's keeping you hanging on a string waiting for his next move.

Enough with his moves, make your own moves.
Ignore him go out with your girlfriend and have a blast.
Tell him you're busy. Let him go off the phone first. Be independent and happy with yourself. Take this time to figure out what you want in life.

Make a list of pros and cons, (I did that the other night, and had 18 cons and 5 pros) as to why I cared, or why I was waiting for him.

Whenever you get the urge to think about him....read the cons you've written.

i.e.
Cons
He won't come and see me.
He won't call.
He doesn't seem to care.
Not sure if he truly loves me.
We're never together.
He won't spend the money to come and see me.

Pros
When we're together it's great.
He wanted to father my children.
He's great at saving money.

Hope this helps! It worked for me :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Sat, 04-12-2008 - 11:55am
hi roxette2008, i have to be honest w u....i think it's best to just let it go-i know it's probably not wat u want to hear or do, but it's better now than late.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 8:45pm

Welcome to the board roxette2008,


Yes, you let him go. The more you are in touch with him, the harder it will be to get over it.


Reading material:


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs by Nailah Shami


It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken, by Greg Behrendt


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 9:06pm

ITs sooooooooooooooooo hard to let go.


On sunday i said lets stay friends.. and when we spoke i couldnt handle it. he said

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 1:47pm
I've been in this situation. He's using you and only seeing you at his convenience. It would be a HUGE mistake to continue on with this person. I learned the hard way and wasted MANY years with a man JUST LIKE THIS. Now, I know how it really should be. My BF now always wants to see me and be with me and makes me his priority. There is NO DOUBT about his feelings. If someone loves you, you should NEVER be able to DOUBT how they feel because they not only tell you but show you time and time again. Dump him now and find someone who does want to see you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 3:07pm

ok Roxette. i'm going to tell you my story on what i went through a year ago with my ex. like yours, mine wouldn't seem to want to put in the time to be with me. i was always asking him to come over

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 8:23pm

Hello greekgirl,


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Wed, 04-16-2008 - 8:27pm

Hi..


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 2:51am

I know what you mean about sounding like a broken record. lol.


its ok that mine has a girlfriend, i can't say that everyday but i can at the moment. its helped me move on more. I actually don't contact my ex, i think after having the new gf he doesn't want to remain friends with an ex. I see him at my gym every now and then and have to admit thats its hard but we smile and wave at eachother (despite that i really just want to punch him but i've learned to gain some self control when it comes to these situations). we don't talk or anything.


its good you apologized to him, i did the same with my ex after a few months because of some of the post breakup stuff i did. i did it more for me than for him but i think in the long run it makes you look better.


no contact is the best and if you run into him just look happy even if you're dying inside. i do it too. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2008
Thu, 04-17-2008 - 3:03am

Its day2 and i havnt contacted!!..


How soon after you broke up did he have a gf?


Seems he cant be alone..very needy.

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