complete emotional wreck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
complete emotional wreck
3
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 6:08am

My boyfriend of over a year and a half recently told me he needed "a break" after a particularly distressful fight we had. He told me he needed the break because he was stressed out and needed some time to himself. I struggled in a very bad way not having contact with him. I've never missed someone so much or been such a mess. Two weeks after initiating the break he tells me he's not sure if he still wants to be with me. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I think he expects me to hang around and wait for him to sort out what he wants but every day hurts not being with him and especially knowing that he doesn't even know if he wants me anymore.


What if i wait and he turns around and finally says that after all the waiting he doesn't want to be with me?


It's almost ridiculous how attached i am to him. I was completely dependant on him and now hes just not there. I thought it would get easier with time but every day has been harder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 6:47am

hi dearie,


i am browsing this board coz i am also heart-broken over a break-up. Saw your post & my heart went out to you. although my current situation is diff from yours', i once been thru a similar one like yours'.


my ex told me then that he needed a break and i was also scared, very scared that he wasn't going to come back. i cannot tell you for sure if he will but maybe you could think about these?


1. sometimes a guy just needs some time off as he is stressed in other areas of his life. what you can do is be cool, and let him be coz the more you try to pursue him, it's going to be a turn-off. do things for yourself now. go for walks, shop, read, something u always wanted to try. get tog with frens. keep busy. volunteer. it's not as easy as i say it here i noe but try.


2. was there problems that were not solved in ur r'ship? maybe you could calmly think about them if there are and when the time is right & u r both ready to talk, talk and solve them once & for all. so that the r'ship can move fwd.


as for being attached, it's natural to feel that way for someone u been with for a while. plus women are more emotional. try to let go bit by bit and not be so attached.. give your love and attention to others around you - family, friends, less fortunate people and even animals if u love animals, like me :)


should you wait? if u feel it's worth it.


but don't put your life on hold.... for it is YOUR life, nothing will stop the world from going on its biz. don't stop your world just for someone too. i noe it's tough.... just hang in there, get support. u have mine!


things may not be as bad, have faith.


i wish u all the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2008
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 9:40am

Hi broken


something similar happend to me over a month ago, the bummer is that 5 days after the break up, in wich he told me that he needed to be alone to "figure things out", and that it was going to be very hard for him because he" loved me so much", I saw him having lunch with another woman, that totally blew me BIG TIME, I´m even scared of going out after the trauma of seeing him with someone else.....


I´ve going through the grieving proces ( denial, anger, depression....) , but it hasen´t gotten better.


I too have girlfreinds who want to help but also sometime I just want to come back home and cry it out. I´ve lost wait and motivation for anything.


Today is Sunday ( yes I would have spent it with him, we would have jogged in the morning, then had breackfast and probably meet his family for late luch ) , thats why it hits me in the mornings, I realize that that just isn´t there anymore,and being alone I have to figure out ....¿ ok, now what ?


Fortunatlly I have 2 girlfriends who want to hang out today , it beeing Sunday so I will probably spend it with them.


As I have read here, only time is going to heal the pain.


I´m trying to do everything " by the book" , no contact, trying to keep buisy, trying to find myself again, like it says in THE ZEN OF DOING NOTHING, trying to find that independant, happy , beautifull , sexy girl I was before I met him.


Each case is diffrent but that is how I´m trying to handle it and though the silly illusions of hope ( him missing me) and faith, " tiem to figure things out " don´t leave my mind,I try hard to substitute them for " NO ! it´s over ",someday you will get over him cause it has been a month and he hasn´t even tried to find out how I´m doing.


People get back together but it is true that in the mean time you have to try and take the time for yourself and do things that maybe you hadn´t done because all of your attention went to him. so do those things now, get your life together and better it , that can only make you feel better when you see the results that come out of it. Forwhatever the turn out is going to be, with or without him.


It´s taking me soooo much effort to do these things, but theres nothing else I can do.


My heart goes uot to you and thank

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 04-13-2008 - 8:57pm

Welcome to the board brokenhearted13,


Reading material to consider:


Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis


Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1


Zen of Doing Nothing - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1


When he asks for space (aka, "a break") - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22130.1