What if he contacts you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
What if he contacts you?
13
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:26pm

What if contacts you?

i.e. You're signed in on msn, he writes "oh, I thought you blocked me, wasn't sure that you received my message yesterday."

Are we supposed to just ignore his messages, then log off?

If we're home and he calls...simply don't answer the phone?

What if we want him back, he attempts to contact us a few times but we ignore everything for "30 or 60 days" and he moves on?

so confused...

I had a conversation with my x today online... it was lame, he asked what I was doing this week, he told me about his 'busy' week, and I let him go politely. I didn't question his whereabouts lately...I didn't tell him I love him, I didn't get all jealous... just short and sweet.

Was that alright?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2008 - 5:35pm

Have you had a conversation with him about no contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 3:14pm

Short and sweet is fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 3:26pm

Thanks ladies for your input.

I'm just worried a little because my situation is a kind of different.

I was not clingy in the relationship and our problems arose from my lack of commitment(so he says), i.e. told him I didn't want to get married(out of my own fear of things not working out), I was always busy, he claims he gave, gave, gave and got nothing in return.

And now here his is contacting me (giving) and I'm doing nothing (again) in return.

So ignoring him now would only show him that I "don't care" as he believes I didn't care when we were together. But I did care and I do care. I love him very much.

I'm a little torn as to what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 3:30pm
Is he asking you to get back together?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 3:57pm

I absolutely agree with you on the hurt thing.

But - his exact words the last time we saw each other face to face, a week ago (when I said, is it over?) were:

No, we aren't over, I still love you, if it were over and I didn't love you, I would tell you and end it.

.......so confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 4:00pm
He's not defined what 'not over' means though.




iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 4:06pm

Actually, in your case I will agree that the situation is a teeny bit different than many who come to the board.


What happened with you is he got tired of being taken for granted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2008
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 4:15pm

Ladies, you are amazing.
I absolutely want to salvage this relationship.

I've cut back my work hours and I will be relocating to his city.

He did not act on the advances made from that woman. He saved her emails (with the advances to show me that she wasn't truly my friend & he wanted to send them to her husband.)

In the meantime, he's making small talk here and there with the odd text message and msn conversation. He won't call me and he has not come out here.

When everything began to happen, I drove to his city, cried...told him I wanted to work on it and I got a cold, "Why does it take this for you to finally realize."

Yesterday, online...when he said he ran into this really ancient ex-boyfriend of mine and they were chatting, he told me "I said I'm dating so-and-so(me) from that town, do you know her?"

I don't get it, he's telling people he's still dating me, but we're not talking in person.

What can I do to salvage this? Give him the space? (Again, that was my problem to begin with...)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 5:16pm

hi advicegal,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 04-15-2008 - 5:40pm

Finally, down to brass tacks

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