staying close?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
staying close?
5
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 5:16pm

its been about 4 weeks since my boyfriend and i broke up. we only saw eachother once, until last week. he came down to my town to see me, we hung out and it was just like we were together, kissing, hugging, saying i love you (i think he said it like 6 times in the 3 hour span). we had been talking since our break up up until that point. i then saw him that saturday in his town. same thing, hugging, cuddling etc. he came back down this week, and we saw eachother a few times. i got up the courage to talk to him about "us".


i asked him what we were doing, he said that he loves me and wants to stay in love with me, but last time we went on a break (together for a year and a half, went on a month break, back together for 2 weeks then broke up) and got back together, he said the label of boyfriend/girlfriend seemed to mess things up, and he doesnt want that to happen, he doesnt want a girlfriend, but he will eventually, and hopes i will want to be with him too. he made sure i understood, hes not going out looking for girls, or hooking up or anything


he asked what i wanted though. i said that im happy being single (very happy) because im starting to just enjoy my life, not worrying as much, but that if were going to continue on like this, talking, hanging out, staying in love, i need to make sure that theres a reason. i told him that im changing the things i knew i was wrong to do while we were together (snooping, clinging) and that im trying to show him that, and im going wicked at it! but if im to stick with him, end up with him, stay in love, i need to know that things will be different next time, that hes showing me he is changing. that doesnt mean i need to hear from him everyday or anything like that. just that hes working on being truthful, sticking to promises, not being so jealous etc. he agreed and said hes happy to show me all that, and hes working on it, especially his jealousy. we both were happy


okay so now, yesterday was my birthday. about a week after we broke up he really wanted to take me to dinner on my birthday (cause he knew i wasnt going to do much that night, more on the weekend) and i said okay. he kept remining me throughout the weeks. yesterday i heard from him around 5 or so, he said that he was at his buddy's house, recording music but the power failed and he was back at his moms, that i could come over, but he would be going back to his friends later on. i went over, about 45 minutes later, he was going to head back to his friends to finish recording. i said ok but we were suppost to hang out. he said that he would be done around 10 or 11, and would call me then and hang out with me, grab food etc. i told him not to promise me, cause i know it may not end up

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: stepheb
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 6:13pm

Oh, sweetie, there's no excuse for this--he stood you up on your BIRTHDAY!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
In reply to: stepheb
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 6:29pm

youre right, about everything. it sucks because i know im changing, and he said he was too. but youre right there is no excuse for what he did, and that i cant wait around for him to change. thats why i was nervous when i told him everythiing i wanted and needed from him, incase he did agree to it, then did nothing.


i know i cant keep on doing this, since he isnt changing (and hasnt called yet either, i just talked to a friend of mine and he was just at my ex's friends house and my ex was still there playing music of course.


but now i just dont know what to tell him, should i tell him how wrong of him that was? that its obvious he isnt trying to change?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: stepheb
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 6:33pm

When he calls, I would let him know that what happened on your birthday made you realize that the best thing for YOU is to not have contact with him right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
In reply to: stepheb
Fri, 04-18-2008 - 6:43pm

thats a really good idea, because it is really about me, and attacking him, youre right wont get me anywhere. he's coming out for my birthday on saturday though, (were actually all predrinking at his place...) but im sure i can keep it "friends only" and nothing else, i'll be fine with that, and i guess it will also know he's serious, and after that, i'll keep to the no contact.


he does really need to know that its not good for me to stick with this, until hes ready to show me that he has changed, i'll make sure i tell him that, i always wuss out when i tell him stuff like this, but i really will this time

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2007
In reply to: stepheb
Sat, 04-19-2008 - 1:05pm

when he called, he could tell i was mad, and he asked why. i told him that he ditched me last night. he said he didn't. that he hung out with my for a bit, and called me later. i told him we were suppost to hang out later, and he said that wasn't true. i remember him saying he'll call so we can go out later, but i guess he changed his md and told me, but i don't remember that at all.


when he called i was just heading out, so i said that everything was fine, but that he also said he wanted to take me to dinner and never did, so