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| Mon, 04-21-2008 - 1:05am |
Hi everyone.
I have had the worst week end after 1 month and a half of being dumped.
I had my 10 year old to entertain,we are completely alone,soI had to just get out of bed tofind a way to entertain him.
I went out on a "date"Friday night,it was fun but nothing special,when I got home at 21:30 and after having some wine , I called my ex but hung up imidietly, unfortunatly it probably registerd on his cell as a " lost call ".
I got up Saturday and got dressed up, went to a girlfriends house with my son just to get him out of the house, I felt miserable but did it all for him,I got back home about 7 pm, to be able to hide from him and cry.
Today Sunday, I got up and took him to another girlfriends house who has a kid his age, they had fun, got home about 5, my girlfriend came ver so did a guy friend, and all the while we were talking ......... I just thought, when are they going to leave so I can go to my room and cry.
in between the conversation I couln{t help having these flash backs about my ex, how he use to love me, do everything for me, try to be with me always, and unfortunatlly how we boke up with me to later see him with another woman.
These days I say to my self, : " I am trying to do everything by the book, going out, spending time with my girlfriends, trying to give my beautifull son quality time,but the pain inside doesn{t get any better.
I would think al through the day, that I was going through a cold turkey breake up, and like people that go " cold turkey" through diffrent things have to be in clinics with help and support, while I just have to go through this on my own with my own resources.
the question is, IS THAT POSIBLE ?
To just go cold turkey with no support,although my girlfriends are being great, it still is like so hard.
Please,will it get better ?
I{m starting to really regret my ex because he even had my son go through this cold turkey, and I know it{s not my es{s fault, because he can choose whom ever he wants to love.
I have NEVER had such a miserable timein my life,and even though I presume it{s going to get better eventually .............. I just don{t see the light after the tunnel, I was sooooo use to my ex, and just DON{T UNDERSTAND.
I just remember everything we had in common,the songs we use to hear and sing together, .............the way he was so jeluose of any man whoeven took a glampse on me ................. go figure ?????????

No two ways about it, break ups are the WORST pain imaginable. Sorry you are in so much pain but you are not alone. We're all in the same boat.
You will feel better. One and a half months is NOT a long time. Give it another month and a half and then see how you feel. Depending on how long you were together, it may take several months to get over him.
DO NOT CALL THAT MAN!!!!! Absolutely do NOT under any circumstances contact him if he broke up with you! You will feel worse, without question. Call your friends, go for a walk, play with your son, make a cup of tea, write down your thoughts, post here - DO ANYTHING but do NOT CALL HIM!!!
Keep a gratitude journal and write down the things you are grateful for your in your life. Continue to date and give yourself positive affirmations ("I am a beautiful, wonderful unique person who is worthy of giving and receiving love" "all is well in my world and things are exactly as they should be" "love is coming into my life and I am ready and willing to receive it") in the mirror and in a journal. It does help get your feeling of self-empowerment back.
That's the best advice I can give. Hang in there, it's hard to believe right now as your break up is fresh but trust me, you will feel better. I'm 8 months out and stopped crying about a month ago but I have to work with my ex so I was not able to do NC. No Contact is the WAY to GO if you want to get yourself back. Good luck and HUGS.
thanks so much for listening rapunzel
I soooo need to hear that I will eventually feel better
Its not even about "finding love" right away that worries me, just I want to be in peace and happy, I want to be able to laugh and smile ............ and I cant.
I know that I have a clinical depression, for to many BAD things are hapenig in my life right now, my mom died 2 month ago, I am now alone with my son, my brother hates me, Im not seeing anymore ................... and the as if that wasent enough, my boyfriend of over a year, dumped me cold turkey .
I am seeing a therapist wich helps but I just ask God why these thing happen like this.
One day you are just living and the next, your floor just disapears, I feel like I went throuh a terrible hurricane and all the people that I loved and loved me died in it.
Of course my ex was my support in these terrible times, but either just stoped loving me, is comitment phobic or plain liked another woman and out of the blue , after of more than 1 year , seeing him almost every day, talking to him 4 times a day, doing things with him, sharing .......... COLD TURKEY OUT !!!!!
Its just too much
I look like a phsyco, I don{t want to even get dressed, I completely lost myself and I cant beleive it.
Unfortunatlly even though I know and I say to myself every day that this relationship is over, he doesnt love me , doesnt even want to know anything about me , there comes moments when these little bits of " hope" ...... haunt me
its just too much to handle
Well the thing to remember antonia is that you cannot depend on another person to make you happy. You could have married your ex, and he could have still left you, or worst case scenario, he could get sick and die. (well, we're all going to die, not to be morbid...but I'm trying to make a point). So we all have to work on inner happiness so that when the rug gets pulled out - and in life, it WILL at some point - we are not devastated. It's normal to grieve, to be sad and yes, to even get depressed but we have a choice to try to change the way we think and our thoughts are VERY powerful.
It's really tough when someone you love up and leaves like that. It hurts terribly. Give yourself time to grieve. You're only human. But remember - it was his choice, and his choice is about HIM, not about you. There's nothing you can do about his choice, nothing. So let go and heal your heart. Read the Four Agreements, great book.
After a reasonable period of grieving, time to find yourself and love yourself. Stop giving your ex SO much power. Take back some of that personal power that you have inside you and be gentle with yourself. It doesn't happen overnight. It's a lifelong journey we're on and we always will have ourselves, other people may come and go. Keep doing those positive affirmations and practice gratitude for simple things like: the sun is out today, or gee, wasn't that person nice to stop and let me cross the street. If you change your thought patterns from negative to positive you will eventually feel better.
This is what I have done for 8 months, it's a long haul as I've had continual contact with my ex. I cried my eyes out for months. I thought he was THE ONE. But he wasn't. Because he left me. Yeah, he's still sniffing around but he hasn't asked me to try again so I can't put my eggs in his basket. Over the last 8 months I have tried to replace my negative thinking ("I'm going to be alone forever, no one will ever love me, I screwed up big time with him and it's all my fault, etc." with more realistic forward-thinking thoughts. I was OK before I met my ex. No, I was FINE before I met my ex. I met my ex, feel head over heels, whoops - he didn't feel the same way. Dumps me. World comes crashing down. Wait a minute...I didn't even know WHO he was a year and a half ago. So who knows who else I might meet? There's a world brimming with possibility! My ex is not the be all and the end all! Yeah, he's pretty great but he decided he didn't want to be with me and it was HIS choice. But he's not the only man on earth.
And neither is your ex. You'll be OK. Just give yourself a LOT of time. And remember to be grateful for the little things in life, who knows what the future holds. Confident happy people are attractive, not depressed, sad people. The past is over and there's nothing we can do except live in, and revel in the present moment.
hugs,
rapunzel
thanks so much again rapunzel
it is so aliating to get feedback, my girlfriends are so nice but you cant really spill out your guts to them all the time, they try to do everything for you, they try for you to get out, relax, afirm you that you are a great person, and thank God for them, but you cant constantly tell them you are so hurt.
Thats what happend to me this weekend, I