Why did I love him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Why did I love him?
6
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 10:12am

I ended dating a man, for the second time. I cooked, cleaned his apartment, had unprotected sex with him, and shopped for him. I had to call him on my birthday. He promised to buy me lingerie but didn't. Finally, in bed a couple of nights ago, he said, "I don't know if I can be monogamous." He told me that a person can be too eager for a relationship. And it hit me: I'm in love with a man who didn't love me.


How did I let myself, twice, get involved with him? I hoped if I gave him what he wanted, he would love me in return. Instead he just took and took. I felt used. He didn't kiss me unless I asked. He didn't go down on me for months. I begged for affection and he didn't want to give it to me and got angry if I asked or placed his had on me. I was so desperate for him to love me, that I offered to have kinky sex the way he wanted it. But then I changed my mind. But he kept insisting on it and calling me a liar. I agreed

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 12:05pm

A friend recommended a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" - buy it and read it!


It'll help you understand what's going on with you! I promise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 1:17pm

Welcome to the board lonelygirl38851,


I hope you get the book that was recommended to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 2:06pm
I will buy it...not much for the self-help section of the bookstore, but I guess the title has me sold already.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 3:15pm

I'm glad to hear it! Maybe it will help, maybe it won't but its got to be worth a try!


I'm working my way through similiar issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 9:30pm
i'm sorry for what you are going through, it seems that you were willing to sacrifice more than he was to keep this relationship intact, and that isn't healthy. as soon as some men feel trapped or tied down, even if you don't try to, they will find any way out, by using any excuse. it seems like you "mommied" your ex to get affection, trust me, i know, i've done it. you probably aren't the only one that has done it to him. a lot of men are attracted to women who they know will take care of them and have the upper hand in the relationship and will go along for the ride, but they eventually realize it is a catch 22. a woman who will not do the things you are describing, these men aren't attracted to and dump anyway, women who will do that for them, are too assertive, and apparently "overeager" in the relationship and will find a way out as well. nothing is ever good enough for men like this... but you shouldn't have to sacrifice your dignity and self respect to get someone to love you. the relationship should have two people giving equal effort and not one person who pulls ALL the weight. i had this recommended to me on this board... He's Scared She's Scared (someone help me out with the author). it might give you reasons as to why you are attracted to such "unavailable men". it really helped me sort through my thoughts and confusions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Wed, 04-23-2008 - 9:58am

Lonelygirl,


Oh, I was stuck in a relationship much like that. Personally, I have a maternal instinct that kicks in, and I end up attracting people that want to be taken care of and catered to and not being independent. That was my issue, I'm sure you'll find what it is, and fix it from here forward! Good luck! We're here for you!