Rebound relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Rebound relationship
4
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 10:23am

I saw the earlier posting about this subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 1:55pm

Both males and females can do this. It doesn't apply to everyone, but there are those out there of both sexes that can give the appearance of moving on quickly and getting involved right away with someone else.


Pinky's post from ages ago:


Think of your relationship like a big house that has been demolished. What do you do next? You can't live in the house any more! So you decide to clear up the mess (emotion), brick by brick, it takes a bit of time, but you liked living in that big house so you guess it's worth the effort. Then there's a big hole in the ground that needs to be filled up again. You start this process by making new friends who are happy to help you rebuild your new big house, so it's bigger and better than it was before.


Your ex has decided that he's going to build on top of all the rubble (denial), he/she can't be bothered to take time out to clear up all the mess. So off he/she goes, building on top of the old house. He/She acknowledges that the structure is a little wobbly but he/she says that it will do for him right now.


The storm hits. Guess whose house is still standing?


Your house is built on a solid foundation. His/Her house is a big fake "paper house", yours a big strong stone structure. Now tell me who's going to have the better future? It's up to you to decide.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 3:02pm
Hi Dana, you should read my post "wanting to move on to soon".
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 04-22-2008 - 5:18pm

Thank you both for your wonderful advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Wed, 04-23-2008 - 2:38pm

i think a lot of people believe they are ready to go out and date as soon as the initial shock of a break up is done. doing this does more damage than it does good. dating right off the bat just fills the emptiness and loneliness. it makes me sick to my stomach to think about my ex with another person and i can't fathom that he could actually throw everything we had to the side so quickly and start a new relationship.

my ex has a huge issue with moving from one relationship to the next, and running away from the problems. he has so much baggage due to this trait of picking up and starting a new relationship (sexual, platonic, or rarely... serious) without first recovering from the old one. he doesn't just do this with relationships, he picks up and starts new every time there is a problem in his life, leaving crap scattered behind him. he is always the one to initiate a break up or the one to just walk away, no matter the circumstances. if someone has the ability to do that so easily, almost every time, it shows true cowardice and a major character flaw on their part. i never saw this red flag, because i naively thought i would be the one to stop the pattern, but he walked away from me just like the vast number of other girls, whether he was serious with them or not. major lesson learned.

the truth is, if your ex can right away call a girl babe and insists he is happy, he is most likely in denial if he feels that he hasn't brought any baggage to a new relationship. on the outside it may look great, and it may make you sad that he was able to move on so quickly. but that baggage will come out, and very soon at that. once the relationship goes deeper he won't be able to cut it because he still has baggage from the past that he hasn't dealt with. you are better off healing, so you aren't the person who hurts someone else because you aren't over your past.