Its been such a long time
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| Thu, 04-24-2008 - 1:54am |
Hi everyone and anyone. It has been a while since I posted on this site because I was and am getting better. In a nutshell, my ex-boyfriend of three years broke up with me about 3 months ago. Said he loved me but we wanted different things and he wanted to be selfish about his life and only think about him. The last time we were in contact was my birthday, about 2 months ago. Have heard about him but not from him since.
I am actually doing okay. It still hurts at times. The memories are not as overwhelming and I am able to focus more. Time, energy and work really do heal all. But.....
He called me tonight. I have been watching our dog for the last 7 months. He called me tonight to see what the situation was- if I am going to keep the dog or give him back to him. I didn't answer. I was actually with the new guy I am sort of seeing! Talk about ironic! And before I forget, I am taking this new one slow, we have already talked about what I am going through, we are honest with each other and I am doing okay. I know it might be a rebound but I am enjoying him and what he brings in my life. I also have been able to tell him when I can hang out and what I like to do and what I don't like to eat which are things I couldn't do in the last year of my relationship with my ex so I have learned some things from this break-up.
Then my best friend calls. She tells me that my ex called her trying to get information. I can't believe he did this. I feel as if he got to make the decision and now he's calling my friends? During the last message I left on his phone, I told him that I didn't want him to contact me because it hurt too much and I had to get on with my life. My friend told me and he said it on the message he left tonight that he was trying to "respect not contacting me and he wanted to contact me earlier but didn't know how I would respond". Why is he twisting things around? I am not the kind of person where I would maliciously hang up on him if he had called. I wouldn't have taken the call initially but would have called him back. That's what I'm going to do with this situation. I just don't understand. He told me how much he wanted to change his life and now he is trying to talk to me and my friends as if nothing changed, that he didn't throw me away for some reasons that he is now saying are stupid, that he's still this great guy when we first got together.
What do I do? When do I call him back? What do I say? I really want him to know how much pain and suffering and humilation I experienced. How cruel he was when I supported him through some very crazy things he did. How the fact that he is saying that his reasons are stupid is a slap in the face. It is probably not worth it though, right? I mean, what is it going to accomplish? So what do I do? I have a feeling that when I tell him that I want to keep the dog, it is going to cement the fact that I will never, ever have any contact with him again. I know I don't already but what I mean is that even if we were to run into each other, it could be cordial but because of me keeping the dog, it won't be now. I don't know. It is almost 1 am and I have an 8 am class.
I know once I get over this last hurdle, it will all be over and I will really be able to heal. Because I know that, am I holding on to it because I miss him? I certainly don't love him anymore. He doesn't deserve it. I could never go back to him. So why am I holding on?

I don't think calling him back is necessary.
hey swallens
I can so understand you not knowing what to do.
If you were sure you woulnt take him back, or that you are completely over him, I dont think you would have doubts about what to to, I mean you would just call him and say " ......... hey, about the Dog, well Id like to keep him ....."
That if you were sure you had no feelings for him.
But if you are in doubt of
Sherri and Antonia-
Thank you for writing back and the advice. I can't e-mail him because I don't have his address anymore. We weren't big e-mailers anyways so I don't even remember it.
I don't have loving feelings for him and I don't want him back. He has changed so much that I don't even recognize him. I just worry about his reactions-- I hate to think that anyone in the world (especially someone I was close to) will hate me and possibly say bad things about me. I am not a bad person but this is a bad situation. Either way, I will lose. My heart will break again with giving the dog back or I will have caused someone a lot of pain. It sucks.
I haven't called him back yet and I don't know when I will. Sigh...
My apologies beforehand, this will be a little bit short and succinct.
Ask yourself, if he were out of the picture, would you want to keep the dog? Make your decision that way.
Secondly, yes, it hurts to end anything, even an illusion of maybe second chances together. But the anticipation is truly worse than knowing. Really.
All the best,
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
How about writing a letter, then?
I made the decision to call him. It was the first time we had talked in almost two months. It was weird because I still feel like we have this connection. I mean, we do. But it is so over. I tried to be honest about things--how I was mad that he called my friend, that I felt bad about not giving the dog back but that it would break my heart all over again to give him back, that I missed just being able to talk to him and that I hope one day we could meet up and talk.
He's so different. Which I guess is easier, right? Because my boyfriend is gone. And I won't get him back. So I can move on because what I had isn't really there. I don't know if I am making sense. I think that he might be dating again. Even though I am, it still hurts. God it hurts.
::He's so different. Which I guess is easier, right? Because my boyfriend is gone. And I won't get him back. So I can move on because what I had isn't really there. I don't know if I am making sense.
Yes, I figured it would, which was why I was trying to give you some ideas for communication other than calling him but at least it's over and done and you'll bounce back to where you were in a few days, I'm sure.
I know what you mean about different--I finally saw my ex after 3 months and it wasn't really painful but
Yeah...today was bad. I had a horrible night's sleep. Just tossing and turning. I almost called him at midnight. I want him to apologize for hurting me and acknowledging that he felt some pain too and that I was an important person to him and that I helped him become who he is now (even though I don't really know or like that person) and that even though he will date again, I can't be replaced or forgotten. But I don't think he will ever admit to any of that. I want to make him say that to me but it wouldn't be genuine so that wouldn't help me at all. I just hate that now every conversation I have with him ends badly. I guess it is better then me pretending to be happy with the situation like I did for the first month after the break-up. At least now I am standing up for myself. I guess that will always make it a "bad" conversation because I won't take his crap. I also was really dumb and googled him. I think that is just as bad as myspace or any of those other things. Will NEVER do that again!
Did you run into him on purpose or on accident? I can imagine that was both weird and hard. I haven't seen mine yet and I am glad for it. I am sure you handled yourself with grace and dignity and I think that too (besides the weird, not-your-boyfriend interaction) will help you move on.
All I keep thinking is that it is spring, I am moving soon and starting my graduate studies and I have wonderful friends and family who love me and support me and know the truth of what is going on and that he did change.
One little question: One of the big things of our break-up was him never wanting to get married. He very well might get married one day. But just because he doesn't want to marry me, doesn't mean I am some sort of love parriah? I mean, it would have been a horrible marriage and probably ended in divorce (he even told me that). So I should just be thankful that I am out now then later, right? Sorry if I sound whiney and needy, I am exhausted. Thanks for "listening". :-)
My input to your questions :)
....."One of the big things of our break-up was him never wanting to get married. He very well might get married one day. But just because he doesn't want to marry me, doesn't mean I am some sort of love parriah? I mean, it would have been a horrible marriage and probably ended in divorce (he even told me that). So I should just be thankful that I am out now then later, right?".....
Of course it doesn't mean you're some kind of pariah, come on now, even the thought is silly.
And speaking as a divorced woman, anytime you can avoid having to get divorced in the future just by not marrying that person, is a really good idea n my book.
Good luck,