Please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2008
Please help me
5
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 1:27pm

I need advice from people who are removed from the situation. Talking to my friends helps, but I need someone who can give me some honest and unbiased advice. So thank you.

I have known this guy for 5 years. We started hooking up and became intimate shortly after we met freshman year of college. I really fell hard for him, but he said it was just a friendly hook up thing and that he didnt want anything serious.

Since I had already fallen for him, I agreed, but really wanted to turn this into a relationship. As the years progressed, we became closer and closer as friends, as far as travelling overseas for 4 months together.

We continued to be intimate all throughout college. Senior year we decided to be "exclusive", although he did not want it to be called "boyfriend/girlfriend". Again, i agreed, because I just wanted to keep him in my life

We graduated, and went back to our homes, which are hours away from each other. We spoke everyday, sent photos to each other, and told each other how much we missed the other.

I ended up moving out of my house, into the same city we went to college in. 2 months later, he moved into the same apartment complex. We continued to be intimate, and were inseperable.

Then, one day, out of the blue, he says that hes ending it, he just wants to be friends, nothing more. He has refused to discuss it with me, and will not explain why. I know since then he has been talking to other girls, but he hasnt hooked up with anyone else in over a year, other than me. We had a pregnancy scare, part of me thinks maybe he afraid of that happeneing again?

So, do you think hes bored of me? Do you think theres something there? I just need advice on how to get through this hard time. I'm trying to stick it out and be his friend with the hopes of one day getting together again, but it's so hard.

Thank you for any advice you could give.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
In reply to: ally585
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:08pm

I know you might not like what I have to say but I'll say it anyway. MOVE ON. I know it's not going to be easy but you must. You can't fight for a man that you never had. Read your post again as if you are reading it from someone else and think about the

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: ally585
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:20pm

Welcome to the board ally585,


As much as you wanted a relationship with him and had feelings for him, his actions (breaking off) are now matching his words (he didnt want anything serious. and he did not want it to be called "boyfriend/girlfriend". ).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2008
In reply to: ally585
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 3:42pm
Sounds like hes just really scared of commitment. Are you sure hes not seeing anyone else? If he wont even discuss it with you or tell you why theres definately something wrong there. As close as you 2 should be you should be able to talk about anything right? I think most of all that going from friend to girlfriend and then back to friend again seems ridiculously hard. I know you love him but is being his friend now just hurting you more?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
In reply to: ally585
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 4:05pm

from my experience if a person is willing to just walk away and not explain it either, there is someone else, he wants to date other people, or he was just not being honest with you or himself when he had doubts about the terms of the relationship.

it also sounds like he never really wanted to be exclusive but stayed around because it was convenient or maybe because you were hoping it would become more. it sounds like he had an inability to commit to you exclusively because he did not want a title.

it really takes a certain type of person to be able to throw all that away and walk away without giving you any answers or closure. you might never know why he ended it. and maybe it will be too painful for you to know really. it might also be painful to be friends with him because you might always want more.

we're all here for you. stay strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2007
In reply to: ally585
Fri, 04-25-2008 - 9:02pm