Advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Advice.
2
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 3:30am
Two months ago, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me out of the blue or so it seemed to me. He was my first boyfriend and was different from any guy I knew, we had serious intense discussions and have this amazing connection. He never pressured me to do anything he did and does so much for me. I'm an extremly insecure person and would get jelous of his past gfs or crushes and he would completely stop talking to them. He always wanted to spend all his time with me and we did for the time we were together we were inseperable. I saw him every single day and when we weren't physically together we were on the phone. We had lots of fights but we stuck it out through the hardest parts. He said we would be together forever that nothing could break us apart that we would get married and have chilrden that I would make an amazing mother. The way he looked at me and held me and the amazing moments we'd have and I'd get scared that this was a dream so I'd tell him to promise me he'd never let me go and he did time and time again. He said I came before everything I was his top priority that he loved me on the same level as his parents. I used to feel uncomfortable about his relgion he's muslim and it was really stupid of me so he told me he was agnostic and tried to prove to me he wasnt relious by not fasting and praying or going to the mosque. I was really wrong in making him feel that way. He's an international student, so in the winter he went back home and we kept in touch daily by txts, msn and even calls for the month we were apart. I was so miserable the whole time because I missed him so much and because of the way we parted. Before we went our seperate ways we had a fight because I was crying a lot as I was going to miss him and he became irritated with that and that led to an argument and he said it was over. Then he called and said he didn't mean it was just stressed and couldn't imagine his life without me. We broke up a lot during our relationship due to arguments but the break ups normally lasted from an hour to two or three days. So anyways while he was home in the winter vacation he told his parents about me for the first time, and he has never told them about other girls before due to shyness and because they are exteremly religous. So his mom said shes pretty and all but don't bring a nonmuslim girl home. I was really upset at hearing this but he convinced me that he wasn't going to listen to her. When he got back from the holidays I asked him about it again and he said he'd try to convince his parents..and then I'd say what if they didn't agree...then he'd say he'd keep trying...and if they still didn't he'd marry me anyways. After awhile he stopped saying that he would do it anyways. Then one day we had a little argument about something else and I said it was over and he said stop being sill then it was up to me if I wanted to get back he'd take me back and usually when I say its over he'd always try to do things to get me back and I guess thats what I wanted. But he didn't do any of that and the next day he told me that things were over for good, that we came from different backgrounds, I wouldn't understand his relgius side and would share his beliefs or mindset and that his parents wouldnt accept me nor would his community that I wouldn't be able to understand him like a person from his relgion. I was crushed I couldn't believe this was happening I tried so hard to convince him and I broke down into tears I tried for two weeks to convince him that he was making the wrong decision that we were meant to have a forever but he wouldn't budge. He cried as well and said he didn't want to do this but he had to that his relgion, family and community is what makes him who he is and he can't give that up. We talked on the phone a lot about this because I just couldn't understand it how he could just let me go give me up...I think I've finally accepted it and theres nothing to forgive I wish he'd realized we couldn't be together sooner and ended it then. The only way I can be with him is if I convert but I'm not prepared to do that for a number of reasons. Now its been two months since we were together but we talk on the phone all the time and when we are together he holds me and tells me he loves that I'm the most beautiful girl and looks into my eyes in that way that makes me fall more in love with him. He still always there for me from staying up all night to help me study for an exam to ditching his plans to be tehre with me. From time to time he tells me that he wishes we could be together that it didn't have to be so and his eyes get all teary. We decided we would be best friends forever and I really want that to happen I don't want to lose this person, but I don't know how to see him as just a friend. How do I do that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: natashach
Sun, 04-27-2008 - 6:27pm

Welcome to the board natashach,


There are so many things in your post, hopefully I will remember to say everything that came to mind while I was reading your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
In reply to: natashach
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 3:57pm
thank you for the advice..but I dont know..I just don't know how to say goodbye..he's leaving on the 2nd for home and i wont see him all of summer...he wants to spend the days before that with me...i really want to as well..and i know i shouldn't because it will just make me more attatched...but i feel like these are all the moments we have...after this summer we will be broken up for real..he wont look at me in that way..or say the thing he does....its so depressing...i wish there was a way i could stop it...i have exams but i cant focus...and this break up happened two months ago...yet a day didnt go by where i didnt talk to him...even now we argue like we used as a couple over silly things...but we always make up...he told me while we were together he wanted to be the best for me and whenever he messed up he felt like crap...scared id leave him..and i always had the fear hed leave me..i never wanted to lose him...he says i made him the happiest...that he will never feel this way about anyone..that he loves me so much...and i guess it really hurts knowing all that and not being able to be together b/c of religion...ill just feel so alone without him...i just know that no one will ever love me the way he did...ill never meet someone like him...yet i have to let him go...and i dont know how...sometimes i just feeling like staying in bed and not facing another day...but waking up everyday and being able to call him was really comforting..now i wont be able to...and i know there are other ppl i can call but its just not the same thing...like when we used to fight me and him...i would talk to other people about it but only felt better after talking to him solving things otherwise i couldnt go on with my day....and now when i miss him i try to tlak to others to get my mind off it...but i only feel relieved after talking to him...i guess getting his reassurance that he still loves me and is hurting as much as me and wont get with anyone in a long time...but now when he will be gone im going to be so alone i dont know how to hand it