One week: No contact.
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| Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:24am |
Ok....so it has successfully been one week since my last slip up.
1 week ago today I was weak, missed him, called him and he later called me back drunk "I love you..." (blah blah) then the phone was cut off and he never called back.
7 days later and here I am. No contact since.
The past week has been rough at times. The mornings especially are difficult, because it's when you have to remember all over again upon waking up. I've had a few dreams about him (funny 'cuz I never dreamed about him when we were together).
Going to work is not too bad, the girls make me laugh...but work still reminds me of him because he'd wait for me there & pick me up all the time.
Early evenings, same thing...I wonder where he is, who he's with...
Otherwise I got out with friends and my appetite is back along with a few unwanted lbs.
Sometimes I'm sad and sometimes I'm pissed off.
One thing that plagues my brain is the wondering....who's he with, what's he doing, how can he love me so much for almost 2 years and now just not care....running over a few of the final quotes of his in my mind "regardless if we're together or not, you still were going to move here for your job"...."I won't be out celebrating, yah, I'm single"...."no there isn't anyone else"...."I just need time, I don't know, I'd tell you if I didn't want to be with you"....."well I might have dinner with friends that are girls"
Hmmm...men revolve around women, how can a man not be on a mission to be with a woman, i.e. either us or someone else. Ya know?
My best friend lives in his city, they have mutual friends, when I talk to her (if I'm feeling better) it brings me down. She'll say things to me like "all his friends know him, they know he wouldn't just leave you without something else up his sleeve"
Thanks.
Anyways, go see Forgetting Sarah Marshall....hilarious movie.
I left the movie in a great mood with friends, climbed into my car & had a flashback of him in his vehicle(long distance relationship, many times we were stuck with 2 cars) making faces at me at red lights...telling me he loves me....argh.
Life will go on...eventually.

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Happy 1 week! :)
Keep going!
Thank you!
How is yours going?
I'm on day 29, and 26 without contact. It absolutely gets easier as it goes. Sometimes, I get a little sad, which is normal, but I tell myself that its OK to be sad, and it will pass. It always does.
The other night was sort of a break through; I found a book of questions that he answered, it was a gift for Valentine's Day, I got us each one, and we exchanged. I read over the things that he said he loved about me, and the the last line was about how "he's so hard to deal with, but he loves me more than I know". I sobbed my eyes out on my bathroom floor. But then, all of a sudden, I was just tired of crying. I got up, and proceeded to carry on my evening. I didn't even have the URGE to call him. I now realize that this is about ME, and ME getting over this. So that was kind of neat for me.
We're all in this thing together :)
That is so awesome that you've been able to maintain your strength to not contact him. Do you have any indirect contact? i.e. mutual friends?
I almost wish we didn't have mutual friends.
However, I'm happy to hear that it will get easier with time.
I completely get what you were going through when you found that book.
The other night, I was on my Facebook page (previously I had deleted any reminders of him... however I missed a few posts on my wall from a few months back that were from him "are you sure you love me?" (he'd always jokingly ask me that).... and "can't wait to see you"...
Just stupid things that brought tears to my eyes. I have a confession to make...I looked at his friends list on Facebook and there are new pretty girls added. I shouldn't have looked, I realize that, but I did...and it made me cry. Yes they could be anybody, but still....anyways, I feel like a stalker and I feel stupid now for looking.
My happily married best friend was chatting with him today online, he's keeping things friendly with my friends I guess, doesn't need to be seen as a jerk, he messaged her. He compared her to me (she was nervous for a job interview) and told her she should of came out with us (a few weeks ago, the last night we were out together as a couple - not to my knowledge of course at the time)...she said I'm still in photos all over his Facebook.
Ah well.
Either way, there is no longer a connection between him or I. He won't initiate contact to me...and I will continue to do the same.
Ya know, you just gave me some inspiration; Sometimes I think MySpace and Facebook are the devil, especially when it comes to breakups. My ex hated that he had my space (contributed to his trust issues that I would use Myspace to obtain a date). Even now, I still uphold the fact that I use it to keep in touch with my friends, but my confession: I have a friend of his that I became friends with on my page, and whenever she does those silly "About Me" things, I read them hoping to see his name as one of the answers.
Hello,
Sorry, I know that this post is for advicegal77 but just wanted to say that what you've said in your post made me feel better. A perfect example of how it gets better over time. I'm 5 days so far, so the feelings are still raw (re. "It is indeed, very hard to do..." post) but I know that this is the right thing to do and it'll be better soon. I need to be optimistic because that's the only way to be.
Thanks!
Honey,
No apologies. It's weird the way we find inspiration. Of course people gave me advice when I came here, but I found a lot of tips in advice to other people :)
5 Days is SUCH an accomplishment!
Thanks for your encouragement. It really helps.
I'm already tired of crying and being sad because of this. At first I was really sad and depressed because I would think of all the good things, and wonder why we weren't together. Now that I know more about this guy and how horrible he was to me (I really trusted him - of course I trusted him, we were in a relationship together) I feel anger more than anything else. I feel like I've been kicked and tossed around. Very hurt.
So yes, I'm letting myself cry when I need to. Sometimes it's uncontrollable, I break down, then I let it happen. But I do stop quite soon, especially when my friends are there. I've got wonderful friends who I can call, they care and love me and they know that I'm fabulous. This already puts me in a better situation than he is, who's a loner and can't maintain friendship (except for the woman who he was cheating with).
Anyways, there's no point in slagging him off. I truly believe that karma would take care of it in the near future, I don't have to worry about when he's going to call or whether he's going to be grumpy because of his ex-wife, etc. Not my business, I'm living my fabulous life.
Thanks again!
::Sometimes I think MySpace and Facebook are the devil, especially when it comes to breakups.
LOL - Sandra and I refer to it as Evil dot com - just wanted to share.
Ahahah....evil dot com. I love it.
As with time, it at times feels like I am an addict. It's as if I'm doing ok for a day or so, beginning to look forward to the future (if I place focus on what was wrong with "us")...then my feelings revert backwards or something & I start hurting all over again. It's nuts.
Confessions are great aren't they? I have another one, hah!
To get my mind off him for a little while, I put a thing up on a dating site, no photo...just a sentence or two (all my friends are couples and spend time with their "other halves")not that that matters, anyways, it just feels like desperate behaviour and a sad, sad meat market with no human interaction, unless you allow it I guess.
Anyhow, in doing so I've been in contact with one guy, just online so far...but again, it is making me feel worse. I have no interest in any other man right now, none whatsoever. I don't really care how their day was, etc. That being said, I since removed my ad off the site.
Right now it does feel like my insides are rotting out. It hurts me to think that he can basically just dump my ass like he has and not give a crap how I'm doing or how my day was. I never would have hurt him as he has now hurt me. Never.
And yes I was busy, yes I got upset with his children (once), I am not perfect, but I never would have intentionally set out to hurt him. I loved him unconditionally. Obviously he does not and I really need to accept that to move on.
It blows my mind how someone can have so much interest in you for so long and to just not care later on.
I was reading this thing on how to fast forward the pain. Basically you focus on where the pain is (i.e. your chest, your stomach) and you imagine it leaving, as you imagine it you'll feel it shift. Try it a few times, it works. Apparantly it also works for nervousness prior to public speaking and job interviews.
A very pretty woman I work with said to me today, "I heard about your breakup, don't hold this against me if you ever get back with him, but I found that he made me feel uncomfortable with his flirting, while he never directly would say something, he made me feel uncomfortable."
Hmmmm....
And yes, we are most definately all in this together :)
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