Letter to my ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Letter to my ex
2
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 11:38pm

I have had a really rough couple of days. I spoke with my ex for the first time after 53 days of NC. That was on Friday and I am still down on it. I just had another crying fit but thankfully a cousin of mine was willing and available to listen to me instead of me calling him. She talked about offering what I am feeling up to the angels and spirits out in the universe and getting rid of these negative thoughts. She also said that I should write down what I want to say to my ex in case I ever really want to talk to him and then I can re-read it and decide if it is worth it to pick up the phone. So I decided to write him a letter here, which I will not read to him but it is from my very open and hurt heart. For anyone who wants to read it:

Dear (his name),

It is almost 10:30 on April 28th. Tomorrow will mark 14 weeks since the break-up. I am still very angry at you and what you have done to me. Although I have been moving forward and feeling better, there hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't felt some pain or grief or sadness because of this break-up. You broke my heart. Shattered it into a million tiny pieces. I want you to be sorry for that. I want you to know how much that hurt. I want to know that you hurt just as bad. I want you to miss me. Not in a "I want you back" kind of way but to acknowledge the three years we had together.

I am so disappointed in you. I will never understand your actions. I loved and cared and stayed with you for 3 years when you did not love or care for yourself. You decided to try different things with your life and I supported you. In many ways, I am why you were able to do so well at those things. I filled out forms for you. I drove you all around town so you could meet deadlines. I stayed up nights packing, cleaning and doing laundry with you so you would be ready. All I asked for in return was love, respect, compassion and honesty. And you could not give them to me. The second you got so involved in these activities, you closed the door on me. I was the girl left behind and you did not want me in your new life. I hate that I was that easy for you to give up. I raised you up when you couldn't raise yourself and the second you knew you were going to fly high, you dropped me.

I don't think I will ever get what I want from you. It is evident from our last conversation and from what friends of mine have told me that you do not see this break-up or this time post break-up as a major loss for you. You have changed into a truly horrible, cruel and ugly person. I mourn for the man who you were. You may not have liked how you looked on the outside but you were at least a warm, kind, caring person. Now, you are happy with how you look but you are selfish, self-centered and focused on things in life that will not make you happy. I hope you eventually learn this and eventually come to find out that the people who cared about you before this change are gone.

As for me, tonight, I throw it up to God or angels or spirits or karma or whatever it is. I am tired of feeling this way. I am tired of thinking about the break-up in terms of you. You do not matter to my future plans in the slightest. I have learned things from you. I have learned what to take and what not to take. I am going to find a man who loves me enough to not only want but have to marry me. To have to have children with me. To put me above his family, including his mom. To make me the most important person in his world. I deserve nothing but that. And I will get that. I don't know when but as of right now, I am okay with that. I will continue on my path of being a more honest and caring person not only to others but especially to me. I will treat myself as the flawed but good person I know I am. I will mend the million pieces of my heart because I know that I am worthy of loving again and that there is someone worthy of that love. And you are no part of that anymore.

I know it will not be easy and there will be dips along the road. But they only show to me how caring and loving I was and how caring and loving I will be. The man I loved is gone. And I don't want the man you became. Just because I am down now and you are supposedly up, don't think that that is going to last forever. I know what is important in my life--family, friends, love. I will treasure who is close to me and I will make sure they know it every single day. I will not make the mistakes I made with you and I will be stronger because of this.

You are no longer worthy of my time and energy. I wish you well but that well will not be with me. I don't even know if you know what well is anymore. I hope you figure it out before it is too late. Your priorities are all over the place and until you realize what you gave up, you will never be truly happy. So good-bye. I am letting you and your power over me go.

Take care,
S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
In reply to: swallens
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 12:16am

Wow. So hard to read but you sound so strong. You are right to throw this up to God. I have recently broken up with someone and it was a matter of not being treated right - this is what I told her: that I deserve better than this. At least you and I know this -- many stay in such relationships because they are too scared to get out. And I can understand that because it is scary, it does hurt, but it's the only way to go. Congrats to you for reflection and action and mostly your courage. He didn't realize what he had but one day he will. And you do deserve better. The best to you.

Take care
--

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
In reply to: swallens
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 10:12am

Great letter! So beautiful, and hard to write, I am sure. I am thinking of writing one to my ex, like you. Just to get it all out. You said a lot of the same things I have been feeling, building him up, being there for him and all that.


Last night, before I went to sleep, I gave it all up to God. Instead of praying for him to be happy and well, as I have been in the last 5 weeks, I prayed for ME to be happy. I asked that when I am ready, for him to bring the person in my life that I am meant to be with.


IDid it make you feel better to write that? Like a weight off your chest or something?