boyfriend of 1 1/2 years blowing me off

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
boyfriend of 1 1/2 years blowing me off
10
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 4:59pm

So I am completely shocked and very angry...my boyfriend of a year and half has not talked to me for a week now. We got in small fight on Saturday and since then he will not answer my calls or return my texts. Totally not like him to just not talk to me which is why I am so shocked.

Last week he was with me every night and telling me how much he loved me and being the perfect boyfriend and now after a small fight (in which he had no reason to be mad, he was being a jerk and I called him out on it) he won't talk to me. I have no clue if he is thinking he can just ignore me for a little while and than come back and things will be fine or if he really just plans on ending it like this but I have already decided irregardless of what he is thinking...I am done. No one is going to treat me like this, its absolutely disrespectful and rude. Even if he tries to get in touch with me now, he will get the same courtesy he has extended me the past week....NOTHING!!!!!

Anyone else had someone you were in a serious relationship with for a while just up and disappear?? i just cannot believe someone would just up and disappear without so much as saying anything. I don't care how much I wanted out of a relationship, if I have been with someone this long I would never just end things without sitting them down and have the decency to tell them to their face. it just completely shocks me that someone would do that.

It's not like we were just casually seeing each other or it had just been a few months, we were in a serious relationship, saying i love you and spending a ton of time together and now he just up and disappears.

I'm ok with the break up itself because frankly I haven't been completely happy with him and don't think he is the one (not to say I am not sad, i did love him and there are a lot of things about him I will really miss) so the breakup would have been mutual but to end it like this...wow i just feel like our whole relationship was a complete joke now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 5:31pm

ok two things. or three... first, im sorry youve found yourself here.... second, are you sure this fight wasn't larger than you perceived? Men do not like arguments, they hate confrontations in relationships, whereas women don't think as much of them. If you've ever heard from women " we didn't fight that much", and then speak to the man who says "we fought all the time like cats and dogs". Men hate fighting, period. As always, there are exceptions but as a general rule, Ive always asked me gal pals to think about what type of fights they have, and how the guy reacted each time.


Anyways,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 5:47pm

well i guess the fight was a not little fight but we have had worse fights than that for sure and I can honestly say it was the first fight we have had in about 3 months. basically we had made plans for him to come over and he said he would be a little bit. to me that means an hour or so, he had just woken up so i figured he needed to shower, eat and get ready.

two hours later when he didn't show I texted him to see if he was still coming and he responds "i told you it would be a while, i'm trying to get this done" i asked him what he was doing and all he would say is running around town (meaning running errands). i stated he could have told me he needed to run errands and he responded with i told you it would be a while. i calmly replied and just said no you said a little bit which i thought meant like an hour to get ready. he never replied after that. so an hour later i text him again to tell him i was just going to bed. he never responded. so than i told him he was being a jerk and he still didnt respond. this made me mad so i text him again (keep in mind its like 30 mins between each text) and asked him what he was doing and told him to quit ignoring me. he finally responds and says that he isnt ignoring me he told me he needed to get this stuff done and that i didnt need to worry about it, he was moving stuff to his parents. i asked why he made plans with me if he was just going to ditch me (i did cuss at this point), he responded saying "maybe i didn't think it would take so fu*king long" to which i told him not to get an attitude because he would be mad if it was me doing this to him. he responded and said that yes he would be mad but he was still pissed and didn't need this. That really made me mad so i said well sorry to bother you, ill leave you the fu*k alone so you dont have to deal with it anymore.

all of this seemed very shady to me, why wouldnt you have told me all of this before when we made plans instead of just saying you would be over in a bit and than just not showing and than not calling to even let me know it was going to be longer than you thought. and than to admit that you would be pissed if i did it to you but still get an attitude..just didn't add up to me. but that was it...

and now he is ignoring me which he knows is like my biggest pet peeve. i even text him and said "well i'm assume this is your way of breaking up, nice. you could have at least told me to my face" and he never responded.

i know he did not get in an accident because he lives close to me and i have seen him driving twice. his friend also lives right by my friends house and on the way to her house I saw his car parked at his friends. there is no excuse for him not to call me or respond to my calls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 5:57pm

hmmm this makes more sense. Ok so you rules out benefit of the doubt accident prone ;).

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 11:06pm

Welcome to the aboard que16,


Sounds like besides differences in expectations you two also have differences in terminology.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 9:18am

so I finally did talk to my boyfriend. He responded friday night to an email i sent him and than last night we actually talked in person.

He told me that the saturday night we got in a fight his ex (its been almost two years since they broke up but they were together for eight and even engaged) still had a dining room table of his and called and told him that if he didnt come get it right than she was throwing it out. he apologized for not calling but said he was really mad about the situation and just didn't want to talk to anyone and he figured I would be mad at him either way which is why he was short through text and didn't explain what he was doing.

he than ignored my calls because he was mad about the whole situation, and mad that everytime we get in a fight i threaten to break up or accuse him of being with another girl. (yes i know my issue i need to work on....i know i have trust issues!) said he had planned to call me the next day but than I text him and broke up with him and even though he didn't want to break up he didn't call because he thought maybe I was better off without him because he keeps doing this. This is not the first time we have had plans and something came up and he didn't call...i got mad and would tell him to please just call me in the future and there would be no problem.

I asked him why he keeps doing it and he said he didn't know..that maybe he was just scared to get close to me. admitted that he did still have his guard up with me and that he loved me and wanted to let me in but it was just hard for him, that he was really trying but that sometimes it just got to be to much and thats when he would do the stuff he did on saturday. he apologized a couple more times and again said he didnt want it to end and that he was really trying to get over his commitment phobia and let his guard down.

i guess i just don't know what to do from here. i stayed with him last night and basically made amends but i really don't know if thats the right thing to do. he is sitting here telling me he is afraid of committment...but he is trying to get over that. is it dumb for me to think he will and keep trying to make this work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Mon, 05-05-2008 - 5:59pm

i think you need to work on things together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 2:58pm

sounds to me- he wanted a week or however long to get away from you to hang out with his ex and possibly whoever else.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 4:17pm

Hi Surfer girl,


I am a little more skeptical of things and I have been through this before. By now, he may have called you, but either way, let me let you in on some things.


Sometimes men, immature ones will PICK a fight with you in order to have an excuse to run off and have their space. What he does in his "space" could be anything.


He could also been trying to manipulate you by playing with your feelings, hopes and fears and I think that is disgusting and low.


Yeah, hear what he has to say, then trust your gut. If he is a jerk about it, or you know deep down he is lying, BIG RED FLAG. You know what, it may hurt, but if you know you are a good person and you would never do this to someone, forget him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 7:26pm

I disagree with the last two posts (8 and 9). Seems you got a ton of information from him that's very useful to you going forward. However, it's really up to you if you decide to make the most of it, or if you're just going to go through the motions of life, you know?

Basically, in a nutshell, why many men are "commitment-phobic" and you're gonna need a tough skin for this one: Because a lot of the times, the women they're with are scary.

Quit telling him he's with some other girl every time he's not with you otherwise that's exactly what you're going to get. He's already "doing the time" why not "do the crime?" So cut that out.

Quit threatening to break up every time you have a fight because that's an immature way to handle conflict and not productive. Conflict can be a very good thing in a relationship WHEN IT'S HANDLED CORRECTLY.

Deal with your trust issues and not by making him even more accountable to "help you with them." They're going to ruin your life if you don't handle them.

It's not just him that needs to make this work, it's you too.

Good luck,

Myspace CodesMyspace Text Generator, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace, Myspace CodesMyspace Codes, Myspace GraphicsMyspace Codes, Myspace Graphics

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 2:35pm

This story sounds so similar to mine! My ex boyfriend constantly neglects to call if he's going to be late, or gets sidetracked or if he's not doing what he originally told me he's going to do. He says its because he's really busy and can't call me everytime to say what he's doing. I know he isn't cheating on me, but waiting at home for his call, it just makes you think, like what the heck is going on? I know I have fault in this too because I have some trust issues because he hid somethings from me before. I think it's my trust issues that drove him away. I didn't think I would be that psycho girlfriend, and I tried my hardest not to, but now I know that even tho I wasn't callin to check on him every minute, I still let my anger simmer and let it all out when he finally did contact me or when I contacted him. You're lucky your bf is still willing to talk things out with you. Mine says he doesn't think things will change and we can't go on fighting about the same thing over and over.

I still want to believe we could be together in the future. He's not a bad guy. I'm not putting all the blame on me either because shouldn't he learn that with a relationship comes responsibility as well? I really miss him, I wish he would call...but from what the boards are saying I shouldn't talk to him? Because if he wanted to work things out, he'll let me know right? I want to be with him still, but at the same time I know it won't work if I don't trust him and if I don't love myself enough to KNOW that our relationship is solid. I always question it and feel unsafe. I'm going to work on that, but in the meantime I'm fighting urges to contact him...