Tough Couple of Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Tough Couple of Days
8
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 5:53pm

Im about 6 months after getting dumped by a girl I dated for 5 years...Ive been doing a lot better the past 6-8 weeks (I found out she was most likely cheating on me again, and left me for him).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 12:24am

I have been there. Especially this past week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 12:43am

Hi rossjack,

I tend to lurk more than I post, but I wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I'm sorry to read that your journey seems to be as difficult as mine has been. Like you, I'm fine most of the time, but then am hit by periods of sadness when I feel as though I'm not in control and I cannot see the end of the tunnel. I think that what I hate most about those periods is the feeling that Life has somehow lost its colour -- you're going through the motions and you're doing things you know you would normally enjoy, except that you don't really feel them anymore.

You write that your life is pretty similar to where it was when you were with your ex. Are there any personal or career goals you have that can be put into motion? Small or big changes that can be made? Something along the lines of learning something new or taking a class or volunteering somewhere or going on an outing you'd always meant to do but never did or buying a new home for the first time? I don't know why, but it's helping me to know that I'm building (rather than re-building) a new and equally interesting ex-less life. It gives me something to look forward to every week and also new (ex-less) memories to focus on.

Remember that we're on a journey and that the journey is different for everyone so don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to be selfish and to take care of ourselves.

maud

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 2:33am

hey rossjack. like the others that have replied to your post, i have felt the same way. it has been 5 months since the break up and i still have bad days and until last night, i have felt guilty about them, like there's something wrong with me. last night while i was talking to my stepmom, not even talking about my ex, she says , " you realize that it may take you a while to get over this guy, he was your first love", and when she said that i just started bawling like i haven't in weeks because i knew she was right. she told me that i've been making myself out to be like i'm over it but that she knows that inside i'm still hurting. Apparently she had gone through the same thing when she was about my age and understood how i felt. She said that even though he may have not of been a good boyfriend, he was still in my heart and that was something i was going to have to get over with time. i knew she was right, because my ex is still in my heart. when we were together i felt like you did, like my destiny was in the palm of my hand and i was so happy knowing that i had the guy i thought i would spend the rest of my life with. you can't just get over that when you want to, its out of your control. all you can do is move forward and have faith that one day it's not going to hurt this bad anymore.


i truely feel that heartbreak is the worst feeling anyone can go through, and yes, it makes me sad that my ex has completely moved on and i'm still having to pick myself up after all of this time has gone by, but getting through this is about me. i loved the person i was with, i wasn't wasting my time. i was a loving and caring girlfriend and really really wanted things to work out for us. i always put our relationship first, it was my priority because i cared so much. him leaving ripped me apart and i can still feel it.


its ok rossjack. i understand how you feel when it comes to the good days. i've had many since the breakup and i also understand that the pain does not ever go away even when you have them, it just seems easier to ignore them. you've been on this board probably about as long as i have but don't feel bad about it, its just because your heart got deeply involved in what you lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 3:04am
i have the same view. that i'm doomed for ultimate failure in each relationship i will have. i put my utmost effort into a relationship only to get stomped on. i'm never the dumper always the dumpee. i always seem to be the one giving 100 percent most of the time. the struggle you describe is one i am familiar with. i have hope, but someday i'm afraid my hope will fade and i will become another person as you said, "who lives in the moment". hope can give us negative results many times and sometimes i feel as though mine is gone. i look at a devastating break up as experience and learned lessons rather than a mistake or as regret. i know the feeling you describe. it is as though you are running on a treadmill trying to get somewhere and you remain. someday i hope my feet will actually lead me forward instead of leaving me stationary. i am 8 weeks into my break up and i still have a lot of healing left to do. some days i go back to the first few weeks of the break up. other days i never think about it. i tried to date and failed. i thought of my ex the entire time i was kissing someone else. i tried to connect emotionally and i couldn't. i felt horrible automatically and knew right then that i had put my toes in the water and that was enough. all i can say is, time heals, and as it passes it gets a little better than it was before. the struggle will continue but you will be stronger. hang in there. we're all here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 5:34am

Thanks to all those posted, reading all of those really helped me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 10:24am

Hi RossJack-


I have been feeling low as well. Please know you are NOT worthless.


IMHO, it is important you eventually get over this break-up, no matter how long it takes. Here is my reasoning, as it pertains to me. When I was in college, I met whom I STILL

seachells

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 1:32pm

Thanks seachells.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 9:58pm

Hi Rossjack


I have been following your story and updates for the past few months and I too am in the same boat.