what would you think
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| Sun, 05-04-2008 - 11:59am |
this is just for women 21 and older.
if you had dated your boyfriend for almost 6 months, would these 3 things affect your feelings for him negatively, and would you end it because of them?
1. he still hasnt told you he loves you yet - although he show you that he does, and you think he does
2. he hasnt invited you to meet his parents yet - although they live out of town. he has asked you to move in with him when your lease expires. and he has asked you to move with him to another city when he gets a job.
3. he says he want to wait for his brother to get married first, bc he is older and has dated his gf for 4 years. - he says it will happen in the next few months. he talks about marriage and kids with you all the time.
hes not the player type, so you know he doesnt BS about this stuff

Well, your criteria on the the answer isn't really going to hep, I think, because those three things affect women of 21 much differently and more acutely than say for instance, a fabulous chica of mid-30's like myself, much less a grown-ass woman of 45, who probably wouldn't lose sleep over any of that.
All of these answers would be highly individualized, but just going from experience talking to people about their relationships, plus my own experiences:
1. No ILY after not even 6 months-- no, not a problem for most women from late 20's-early 30's on. Under that, yeah, they seem to have all these 'rules' and 'guidelines' about what a guy would and wouldn't do 'if he loved you.' Comes from talking to way too many girlfriends and watching too much Sex and the City. If you come up on a year and it's still not said though, could be major problem no matter what age. Very important to remember some people, such as myself, grew up showing and knowing the love in their lives, but not saying it. To me, they are one and the same, making saying it almost unnecessary. However, what I need to remember (you, too) is that "not everyone thinks or was raised like me, they may need something different."
2. Has not invited to meet the 'rents before six months-- See answers above, they all apply the same way. If they live out of town, I'd imagine things would have to be very serious to even broach that kind of trip. Six months, maybe too early for that even if the feelings may be there and cementing. However, I think asking someone to move in who isn't ready for that, would freak them out if they didn't know how to handle that without hurting your feelings. Since he's asked, you can probably be assured he feels a certain way about you.
3. Some families have certain rituals, traditions, etc. Could be an excuse, but why the rush to the altar anyway? This should be the single most important decision that people make in their lives, and yet most young women and some men, too, push and push and rush and rush and I'll tell you, those are typically going to be the ones who end up in divorce court or marriage counseling later. It's good to play this one slowly.
Highly doubtful I'd end things with a guy over these things, but then again, I've seen and done lots in my years since 21 and these just aren't dealbreakers for me. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean they aren't for someone else. If I could offer a suggestion, I would say that the couple in question learn to SPEAK UP about what's on their minds, and learn NOW how to start creating a good relationship, rather than flounder around guessing and acting on half-knowns. It might end up that the relationship may still not work out, but it wouldn't be because no one spoke up.
Good luck,