What Hurts the Most

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
What Hurts the Most
5
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 10:51pm

So I have been thinking a lot in the past few days.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2007
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 1:12am

I'm in the exact place so i know exactly how you feel. I went to al-anon for him, I was there for him in every possible ways. I loved him. In a few weeks, he will have his 6 months sobriety.


But just a week ago, he told me he can't do this anymore, and told me to find someone else. He just didn't love me the same way I love him. He only wanted me as a friend.


We were on and off for over a year. We tried having a relationship, and we broke up several times. But we kept getting back together.


Workinggirl82, YOU have to believe it's not about you. It's not, it's not, it's not, it's NOT!!!!


Have you ever had a guy wanting to go out with you or date you, but at the end of the day, you just don't feel that way for him?


This is something you can't explain. If you don't love someone, you just don't, it doesn't matter what you do for that person.


One thing I learned, I have major codependency issue. You should look it up because you sound like you have that too. It's very common for people who have addicts in their lives.


One thing you need to do is to STOP caring for him. It will be VERY hard, but you have to try. You HAVE to take care of yourself first. You HAVE to love yourself more than you love him. This is the ONLY way to salvage anything that's left.


Guys don't like girls who are so available. They want to chase.


Sometimes you just have to disappear. It could be a few hours, a few days or a few months. Once they know you're not there anymore, they will come back to you. What you need is for him to come back to you.


I know it hurts so much. I know. I'm feeling exactly the same right now. I want to call him, I want to see him. I miss him. But I know it's only gonna make things worst. After he told me he doesn't love me, I gracefully accepted it. I was sad, and I even cried. Inside, I was devastated that I wish I was dead. But I made a decision to save myself. I told him to never call me again. I said I don't want to have anything to do with him. He asked if we could still be friends (apparently he knows I can offer him lotsa goods by keeping me around). But I said no, I can't be your friends.


Workingirl82, you are the only one who can save yourself. Until you do that, try to not do anything that will hurt yourself even more. You ARE worthy, and you ARE wonderful. Believe in that, or work harder to convince yourself that.


Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 8:13am

Dear Working Girl-


Trust me, he is not the best you can do. I am positive you can do much better. You deserve someone who loves you completely, just for who you are.


I know those famous lines "I love you, but am not in love with you", sting. And leaves us wondering why, and confused. I think it is a coward's way out. Trust me, we have almost all heard those lines. You need time to heal, and try not to do irrational things like I did (see my posy *I Did It-Confrontted my ex*).


I think one day, we will all find the guy whom is right for us, loves us for who we are, our real bodies, our real personalities. And he will be IN love w/you.


Try to accept the fact that he was not the right person for you, and one day that person will come along. Remember YOU are who we care about, and want you to act in your best interest.


Hugs,


Michelle

seachells

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2005
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 9:37am

Oh I know I am co-dependent, definitely.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 12:41pm

Hi eggtarts,


I just wanted to welcome you to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-07-2008 - 12:48pm

If you think/worry (whatever) that he's the best you could do, then you are selling yourself short.