Driving myself crazy...
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Driving myself crazy...
| Wed, 05-07-2008 - 7:42pm |
Ohhh where to begin? Where it started, of course.
Roughly 2-1/2 years ago, I started a relationship with this guy. I was 17 (barley) at the time. He was 22, I think. We moved in together VERY quickly (3 months, scarey, I know) and what do you know here I am at 17, 4 months into this relationship and yep, we're engaged to get married.
So, we live together for awhile, with friends and in an apartment by ourselves. I graduate, go to college locally. He supports us (or tries to, what

Questions, huh? You don't want me to start asking you questions ;-) Ok, let's take this one thing at a time.
FIRST of all, we don't like for anyone to insult anyone around here, and especially insulting yourself, so what I need for you to do, is to go back in your post and edit out every single instance where you used the word "stupid" in reference to you because you are seriously shoving that idea in your head. May not seem like a big deal to say that about yourself, some people even say, "I'm just calling it like it is," but it's a huge deal to continually insult yourself, so STOP it right now. You're destroying your self-respect and therefore, self-esteem with that one little word.
Next, it is significantly more hurtful to hold onto this man in any way shape or form, than it is to cut him loose for his own good. He's going to be upset, he's going to cry, he's going to feel like crap. And I'm sure the many folks who've been broken up with here would want their exes to "let them down easy," but actually, it's agonizingly more painful in the long run to do it the way you are. Like the brokenhearted folks here on this board, your ex WILL get over the pain, and you doing all this stuff to ease your own conscience isn't really helping either him or you.
So I'd suggest you either write him a letter or call him and tell him once and for all that while you "are concerned" about his future health and happiness in life, you are concerned about your own even more and that continuing contact with each other in any manner goes completely against that. Maybe someone else will have better words for you on that, but you get my meaning. Do not allow any words that can be misinterpreted by someone who wants to find hope in any little shred of anything.
And then you stop. You block, you remove, you delete. You do not either make or take any calls where he is concerned. You don't do secret drive-bys of the old apartment, his mom's house, the park you used to go to, nothing. You don't look at anything that reminds you of him. You ask mutuals friend to not speak of him to you. If they do, you cut them out too. This may seem bitchy at first, but honestly, in your case this is better in the long run because ANYthing to keeps the two of you entwined is hurtful to him, and nonproductive for you.
And oh yeah, you dump the new guy. He deserves to be with someone who doesn't think he's a loser and the only reasons you're with him is because you're somehow trying to make up for how you were with your ex, and also, because right now you dislike yourself so much you think it's somehow fitting that you date some schlub. You can stop that crap whenever. Tick tock, your time is wasting.
Life from this point on will never get back to "normal." Life, now that you've gained some insight and WILL carry out all these things that will help and improve your own, can only get better.
Good luck,
Thank you Sandra....
I did as I've been told. I deleted all the I'm stupids out of my post. And that makes sense.
Well, I'm off to write one last "i'm sorry I'm doing this for the good of us both." email. I sincerely hope it works. I'm going to have to change my phone number again, which sucks. But, thats the way it's going to have to be, I already know it.
The new guy...oh brother. We're really not even dating. It's kind of a wierd thing. He "doesn't want a relationship right now". He's fresh out of a serious relationship also. So, we've been hanging out a lot, spending a lot of time together. And yes, once or twice, we hooked up. He knows I don't expect anything from him, and I am doing my best to keep my distance emotionally. It's working. He hasn't called in a few days, but I did get a suspicious voicemail last night at 2am....It's all very juvenile.
So, I'll make things a little more clear to him that until he gets his goals in life established a little better, that I'm not interested in a relationship with him, either.
Thank you again....you've been a big help.