keeping your mouth shut

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
keeping your mouth shut
2
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 2:39pm

no one is advocating not speaking up for yourself- but what happens when you know you should not say something- and poof! it pops out of your mouth- thus disappointing your partner...I have heard from many friends that if your partner says something that brings on a reaction in you- rather than just tell them to F$Off (not that I would ever say that)it is recommended to
1. stop
2. collect yourself
3. walk away
4. wait time
5. see if it still bothers you
6. after some time, calmly discuss or state your opinion on the comment/thing that drove you so crazy..

... but the problem of course is that my mouth just says stuff that I know I wouldn't appreciate it - i talk off the cuff, i am really struggling with stopping and biting my tongue... by no means do i want to hurt him- but.... sometimes i can just be a bi#ch and even though i know i shouldn't spout off- my mouth beats me to it.

anyone else have this problem?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 4:00pm

No, you're not the only one who has a mouth that can run away from her. I am also guilty of it, particularly if I'm tired or in an irritated mood already. I've "barked" at my husband many times -- but try to apologize as quickly as possible, sometimes immediately after I've barked. What's good is that he doesn't really take it personally, and will generally have an apology for whatever made me bark in the first place.

I think as much as we'd all like to be calm and collected at all times, never being b**chy or grumpy, we're only human. It's good that you recognize it in yourself and are working to try and stop the behavior. I think that's all anyone can ask of you.

Don't be too hard on yourself! :)

Kim

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 12:11am

Welcome, Notsofar ~ Great question!


Kimbirdy's right, I think all of us have our moments. But it also depends on what you're talking about. Is there a specific issue that has you consistently responding this way or do you just lead with your mouth in general? You said your response "disappoints" your partner, which makes it sound like it's a specific issue that this happens with. If it's one issue then there may very well be some other things playing into it, your partner may have a bigger part in this than you're realizing. In other words, it could be a two-way street, something your partner needs to do differently as well.


Tell us a little bit more about the situation, or let us know that it's any and all situations, with him as well as everyone else you communicate with, okay?


For what it's worth, I tend to lead with my mouth as well but I have gotten better, so there is hope!





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