Counseling
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| Sun, 06-19-2005 - 11:58am |
I think it was this board where I posted a while back and everyone automatically suggested counseling as if it was the solution to everytihng. Well, I tried it, again, and I maintain my stance on counseling. It was such a horrid experience, I am still trembling. The whole situation just baffles me. I look around me, and everytime I see someone who goes to counseling, or suffers from depression, it seems like those people are verbally coddled. Told that they can't help what's happening to them. They can't help the way they feel, they shouldn't have to take responsibility for anything that's happened and basically, they can't do no wrong.
Then there's me. I was depressed in my late teens, but don't feel that way anymore. Nowdays, I do a lot better emotionally, and I am a perfectly functioning person. But like everyone in this world, I do have some bad days where I might feel down and not so peppy. Or I might feel like locking myself in a room and crying for a while. It seems, though that the thing to do would be to go to counseling. That's what our society says you are "supposed" to do. Forget just accepting that bad days and crying are part of life. All those doubts I have about counseling being nothing but making money by convincing people of their misery makes me a horrible, horrible person. So I ignore all of my feelings about counseling and just be a good girl and go like I am supposed to.
I don't know what it is about other people that makes them so "not responsible" for both the way they feel, and for any abuse they suffered; but yet when it comes to me, I am responsible for it. I must "stop blaming" my parents for the physical and emotional abuse and "take responsibility" for the way I feel about it. But yet, tell ANYONE else with depression to take responsibility and stop blaming, and you become the most intolerant person ever!!! Is it because my parents were not divorced? Because they had money? Is that why the abuse was okay and why I must get over it? Why are others in the mental health field coddled and pampered with "aw you poor baby, you didn't do it" when I get found guilty? They might as well put the scarlet letter on my chest. God!!!!
I don't think I have ever encountered more abuse than in counseling. Even when I was a child, the physical abuse was not as bad as the emotional abuse in counseling. The scars fade. The abuse is apparent in a situation like that and it's easy to know what you're mad about. But in counseling, it's so tricky. They refuse to let you be your own person. Who you are is all these textbook labels. You can't survive without them, and if you think you can, then you are in "denial". If they want you to have a certain problem, you have it, no matter how well you know yourself. It's like an abusive relationship where they convince you to be so down that you don't even know you can make it without them.
In group therapy, it's even worse, because on top of al the manipulation, you get verbal abuse from the other people, and if you try to defend yourself, you are intolerant against their "disease". They play the disease card to get away with being the most heinous, rude, verbally abusive, subtly murderous people ever.
I will never have anything to do with the mental health field again. It isn't for me. Thank goodness I am not the vile person my counselor thought I was. Thank goodness I have enough mental and emotional strength to rise myself up when they try to beat me down into thinking that I am worthless without them.
Please think twice before insisting someone get counseling or else they are nobody. It isn't for everyone. And if you think it's for everyone, then it appears you have been suckered into their way of thinking. They won with you.
Edited 6/19/2005 3:06 pm ET ET by dragon709

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I totally, emphatically disagree with you. I've been to counseling, in fact I'm currently in counseling and I have not and am not being told I'm not responsible for what's happening to me. Quite the contrary. I am recognizing what it is in my past (childhood) that triggered me to make the choices I've made and to be attracted to the things I'm attracted to, but that does not translate into "you're not responsible", not to me and certainly not from my therapist. Recognizing what in my past predisposes me to the preferences I have ALLOWS me to be MORE responsible for my choices by making me more aware of the incorrect or poor thinking that leads me where I want to go. In being more aware I am better able to make better choices. I've never heard of anyone being told they're not responsible for what's happening to them by a therapist. I think either you're misinterpreting what you're being told or you're seeing a quack.
I suppose you could consider group therapy being mapipulated and abused" by other members, that sounds like a classic victim stance to me. Group therapy is a great way of taking an honest look at yourself as others see and hear you, of taking ownership for your actions, thinking and behavior.
You're right thought, herapy isn't for everyone. My mother, for instance. She doesn't like talking about her problems, tried therapy at my urging to deal with some severe problems she has. But, since she "doesn't like talking about her problems", it was uncomfortable for her. She never got comfortable with the process and didn't gain anything from the short-lived attempt she made. So, here she is, years later, still struggling with the same issues, no better, and because of her unwillingness to work on her "no talking about problems" issue, she will continue to suffer for the rest of her life. I feel sorry for her, but she's making her own choice for her life and happiness - or lack of. She refuses to open herself to help.
Qualified, professional help is no good according to you, so what's your alternative? Apparently you haven't been too successful in working through your problems on your own, so what's your plan?
You are very lucky that you were not told that you are responsible for what's happening to you. It only means that you have whatever quality it is that make these people in this "mental health" field say that to you. It doesn't mean I saw a quack, unless all 6 or so counselors I have seen over the years just happened to be quacks.
Group therapy is not a good way of taking a good look at how others see you. It's a good way to see how others see you when they are in a mentally ill state of being. If I tell most normal people that 10 years ago, I had a crush on a kid named Matt, they aren't going to jump down my throat and say, "I think you are still in love with him." Like people in group therapy will. If I tell most normal people that I love to cook, they aren't going to say, "I think you have issues with food". If I tell most normal people that I like to go jogging, they aren't going to say, "I think you have issues iwth body image". Group therapy has nothing to do with how others see me. The people you meet there, that type of person loves to bring a major problem out of every simple sentence, so that they can bring you down to their level of misery
I feel badly for your mom. If she doesn't like to talk about her problems, then leave her alone!!!! Different people like different things. Just because she doesn't do things exactly the way you would do them doesn't make her some bad person. Actually, I doubt she's really that miserable, too. How do you know she's miserable if she doesn't talk about her feelings? You are probably assuming that, because you think that people can't be happy without counseling. What would you think if someone assumed you were miserable, and didn't approve of your choice TO go to counseling? In your mind, that person would probably be "intolerant". Perhaps your mother only acts miserable when she's around you, because you impose your ways on her. That's definitely possible. There are a couple people in my own life who I dread being around and am always miserable in their presence. It doesn't mean I need the multi-billion dollar counseling industry. It means I need to avoid those people.
I am sorry you feel that therapy is the only way to be happy. If that's what you need to be happy, though, then go for it. Don't look down your nose at those of us who are strong enough to help ourselves without the crutch. And DON'T assume that what's best for you is best for everyone. THAT's being intolerant.
If working on your problems on your own has been so successful, why did you feel the need to post for help here and why did you feel the need to try counseling again?
I don't bug my mom, it's her choice what she does, but it's easy to see she's struggling and unhappy. Concerned friends and siblings see the same thing, even though they don't "bug her" about it either. I suppose frequent crying could be a sign of problems, don't you?
You seem really angry and defensive. I hope you find peace of mind.
Thinking about it, why would you post your problem in a forum that pretty much replicates group therapy when you've already demonstrated you don't handle that? In group you get people's honest thoughts to your issues and here you get the same. Sure friends don't respond the same, it's pretty common to hear them say what you want to hear or saying "nice" things instead of the true things they think. You can hang with people who are nice to you all day long and never gain a thing, never grow. Group is for hearing what people really think. I'm not saying it's always easy to take, but like the responses you get here, it' great for reflecting and taking a deeper look inside.
Sorry to add more once I've pretty much said I'm done, but it occured to me that it's odd that you'd post in a public-opinion type forum when you don't like the results.
Whoa, you said therapists tell you it's not your fault and that it's a disease? That sounds like you've been diagnosed with a mental illness that's biological in nature, like borderline personality or something along those lines, is that right?
If that's the case that would be the reason they're consistently telling you it's not your fault. Even if that's the case there are things that you can work on, and you can still work to be the best you can be. What I don't get is you say you don't like being told it's not your fault but you also don't like being told what people really see (as in group).
You haven't been reading have you?
No, the counselors didn't tell me those things. If you had actually read my first post without jumping to conclusions, you would see that they told me the *opposite*.
They tell others the "It's never your fault" thing. I am the one who is told to take responsibility for my abuse while others seem to not have to.
I have not been diagnosed with anything.
So, in less than a month since your last post, you researched and found a highly qualified, highly recommended counselor and had enough sessions with him or her to make a valid judgment? I find that unlikely, sorry. I also find it unlikely that any good counselor called you "vile", let alone six of them.
My experience in counseling has not been like yours, at all, and good counselors DO want you to "graduate", so to speak.
Sheri
Please point out to me exactly where I said that "all 6 counselors I saw 'called' me 'vile'". Please quote me. Did I say that? No I didn't.
This is what therapists, and people in therapy do. They take some little thing you say, and totally twist it to the point where they put words in your mouth and flat out lie to you about what you said in order to put you down.
What I said was, "Thank goodness I am not the vile person my therapist thinks I am". He did not "call" me vile, nor did I say he did. He made me *feel* vile, however. He made me feel bad about liking to cook! He suggested that enjoying making quilts was evidence of another problem. Enjoying a daily jog meant that I don't like my body. One outlandish condemnation after the other. The fact that I love my husband somehow means that I don't love myself!!! (Amazing how people are only allowed to love themselves and no one else). All these judgements, one after the other, and how was I not supposed to feel "vile"?
And, you completely misunderstood the part about 6 counselors. I said that I have been to six counselors over the years. I never said that "every one of them called me vile". You REALLY twisted that for your own selfish gain, in order to put me down. It really amazes me the lengths people will go to in order to convince another person that they are miserable. Wow.
This is a direct quote from your first post in this thread:
"Thank goodness I am not the VILE person my counselors have ALL SAID i was." (emphasis added)
No word twisting required, you said it yourself!
Thinking back to my session.
It's a good thing I don't buy many people's perceptions of counselors as people who know everything. I can't imagine what kind of worth my life as a human being would have if I believed everything the counselor said about me. If my hobbies were "unhealthy", then what would I do for fun? Is it even "unhealthy" to want to have fun? Imagine if jogging, which really makes me feel good and refreshed, was something I had to quit doing, just because some textbook shrink thought it was "evidence of a poor body image". I don't see any evidence of a poor body image when I examine myself. I look in the mirror and I like what I see. Would my health take a toll if I stoppes exercising? Imagine if I really believed that loving my husband was some kind of evidence that I didn't love myself? If I believed that about myself, would I actually lose any love I actually did have for myself just to make what the counselor said correct? Would I have to divorce my husband?
I can imagine that if I got divorced, I would be sad. I can imagine that if I squandered all my hobbies, I would be bored, and eventually depressed. I can imagine if I stopped exercising, my health would decline, and I would become depressed. All the more reason to keep going to counseling. I wonder if it was part of the plan to keep me depressed by telling me that everything good in my life is wrong. Is that why most people I know in counseling can't seem to "graduate"? Friends of mine who were once healthy, self sufficient individuals, are now unable to get out of bed in the morning and make a cup of coffee, but yet are able to attend that counseling session that they've been going to for a decade?
As a matter of fact, the only thing my counselor said about me that he approed of was my financial stability. Hmmm. So he can get paid, perhaps? Must be nice to make a hundred dollars an hour for doing nothing.
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