New here...need your advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2005
New here...need your advice.
3
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:06am

Hi everyone. I'm new to this board and could use your advice.

I'm married to a wonderful man. Thank God, we've been happily married for almost five years now. We're in our early mid-thirties. He has a great career and earns an excellent salary. I have always worked and also earned an almost equally excellent salary, until a few months ago when I lost my job. We don't have children. We own a small and humble home. We both grew up in very humble families with modest backgrounds, so we've never had any family member give us any sort of help. Because our families, mostly our mothers, have needed financial assistance we have had to live almost paycheck to paycheck in order to help out. We have never minded doing this, because we love our families dearly.

Anyway, I have had a lot of difficulty finding another job and our finances are in some serious trouble right now. Mostly, because since we both made some pretty good money in the past couple of years and we don't have any tax right offs (no children, home mortgage too small to be considered) we are stuck with owing the IRS, plus we both financed our college education with a lot of student loans and we are still paying those back.

We have had an offer from someone to buy our house. It's a good offer and we've been wanting to move for some time now. We do have quite a bit of equity built up, so we would make a very good profit. The profit won't be good enough to buy or build another house, since I am currently unemployed. We would really like to build a home rather than buy again. Our only option at this time, and we are lucky to have this option, is to move in with my mother. She has offered this to us, because she says we've always been there for her. My sister and her young son also live with her, so we would be converting her garage into a bedroom for us. My husband and my family have always had a very special relationship, so we all know that living together will not be an issue for any of us.

My question and problem is regarding my pride. My husband and I have never had to ask for anyone's help, so this is very hard for us. We will be making this transition in the next three weeks, so I would like to send out change of address cards or moving announcements to our friends and other family members. How do I word the announcement cards with a very brief explanation that we now live with my mother without coming across as being in dire straits. At our age we have no business moving back home, especially to someone's garage. This move will be for about a year and a half to two years maximum. We plan to buy a lot with the proceeds from the sale of the house, then save enough money to have to only finance half of the price of the house we want to build. We will also be able to pay off the IRS and other outstanding bills, as well as help my mother's financial situation.

I know that our personal problems are no one's business, but I would rather announce our move then have people wonder "what happened to them?" Our home is on a very busy and well known street, so everyone that we know pretty much knows our every move. We also receive a lot of Christmas cards and invitations by mail from friends and family, so I would hate to move and not notify everyone.

I'd like to pull this off in a way as to say we received an offer on the house that we couldn't refuse and decided to move in with my mother until we build our home. How can I word that properly, cleverly, or creatively without giving anyone even the slightest insight to our current financial situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 12:35am

Welcome to the board, Silver2005 ~


I think there are several ways you can word it so as not to sound "desperate" or in need of financial assistance. My thoughts are along the lines of being tongue-in-cheek.


Something along the lines of an announcement that announces you're "flying back to the nest", that paints your mother as a mafia Don who "made you an offer you couldn't refuse", something that says "under pre-construction" or something that says you're "taking a small step back to prepare to take a big leap forward" comes to mind. Any of those would let it be known right off the bat that you're "going back to Mom's". Since you've already indicated you want to explain, at least to some degree, what's going on, I'd add an insert that says you've had an offer on the house that will afford you to take a step towards what you really want -- building your own place, but in order to make it work you'll need to move sooner rather than later. Since there was an apartment opening at "Mom's Place Manor", and living there would have you see your goal even sooner, you applied for the apartment and were accepted! I don't think you have to mention your unemployment or the details of the sale, your goal, etc. Those who are close enough will already know and others can choose to ask privately at a later date. If you prefer something along more serious lines, your announcement can begin with a sentence or poem about life being taken in steps, then saying you're taking a step to move closer to your future goal.


I know what you mean though, I'd rather let my situation be known right off the bat to everyone and avoid the whole question, gossip, whispering kind of thing.


Hope that helped -- and good luck on your endeavor!





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Understanding the Opposite Sex








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 1:22am
Thanks so much! I love your ideas. The "under pre-construction" and "apartment at Mom's Manor" really sound great! I feel much better thanks for your help again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 11:17pm

Great! I'm so glad I could come up with something that helped!


Just remember that while your choice may not be one that a lot of people would choose or understand, it only has to be right for you to make sense and work. Don't let the opinion of what would work for others cause you to feel anything other than positive in the choice you've made for yourself. They don't have to live your life -- you do!





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Understanding the Opposite Sex








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"