update on therapy and the ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
update on therapy and the ex
3
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 10:48pm

I've had two sessions with my therapist.....half of the time has been spent talking about problems with my siblings (which right now is HUGE with one sister....she's been in an abusive relationship for 20+years...way before I was an adult...I spoke up one day...her husband didn't like what I said...he called me names, pushed me off his porch, and told me never to come back to his house again....she sat and called his name, but nothing more....at first I thought she was afraid of him, but as I hear from other siblings, she is mad at me for confronting him.......tonight we all found out he has lung cancer....)
And the other half of my therapy has been about the ex.....my therapist feels I definately have abandoment issues.....mild-moderate depression........

The ex called me last week....out of the blue.....we talked for an hour...some flirting...but he seems content to live his bachelor life - living with mom...doesn't like his new job.......................long story short....I called him about a half hour after we hung up....he always wanted phonesex when we were a couple.....and talking to him and whatever got me in the mood.......he told me to stop....I hung up....I was humiliated....hung up and sobbed......he rang my phone but I didn't answer...a half hour later I called...only said, "When you call me you confuse me"....and hung up the phone......I spoke to the therapist about this today..........she says to screen all my calls.....that talking to him opens up wounds that are barely healed......I know this....but after the humiliation....and telling him he confuses me....I don't think he'll be calling......

I wish I could get a date!!!! I used to date before the ex....but I just can't seem to find anyone right now!...

That is life in Christine World...thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 11:34pm

Christine! It is so great to hear from you! Wish I could use more than one emoticon, I had to choose between hugs and smiles and I wanted to use them both!


It sounds like you've got a lot to deal with, I'm sure there are a lot of mixed emotions going into your brother-in-law's illness; that's something that's important to address for sure. Good time to be in therapy! I'm betting as you go along you're going to make some big realizations in the area of family, childhood and the relationship with your boyfriend. It always amazes me the things that become so clear and obvious in therapy that you (well, I anyway) would never have realized on my own. I'm doing a little therapy myself right now and I've finding that true again. Not always things I'd like to recognize, but important and necessary for growth.


I'm sorry about your recent phone experience with your ex. I hope if he calls again you'll be able to follow your therapist's advice and not take his calls. Humiliation is not a good thing, doesn't help you move on, but does drag you back down for sure. I'm pretty sure I've posted this for you before, but I'll do it again, just in case you need the reminder:
LETTING GO OF HARMFUL RELATIONSHIPS

And yes, your previous relationship qualifies as "harmful", it sure didn't do you any good!


How was graduation? How are you doing? You may not realize it, but you do sound better. Here you're saying you wish you could get a date, you weren't talking like that before, then it was all "do I have to go through this again? I think I'm remembering that your therapist appointments didn't start until mid June, right? How often are you seeing her?


Thanks for the update, it's really great to hear from you, keep us updated!





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Understanding the Opposite Sex








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 11:42pm

To bring you all up to speed on Christine, here's where you can find her previous posts:

How do I get him to shave more often?
"Financially Challenged" Boyfriend.....
He's a phonetalker...I'm not.....
How long before he's ready?!?!
Finally made an appointment with a thera
runaway bride...my two cents
I graduate today





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Understanding the Opposite Sex








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 07-08-2005 - 7:26pm
Hi and it's good to hear from you. I'm glad you are continuing with the therapy, you will be so much happier in the long run for it. I don't think you should worry about finding someone now. Make a little more progress in therapy before you try to find a relationship, then when you do find one you will be really ready for it.

Photobucket