Doomed or just insecure?
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| Fri, 07-08-2005 - 1:12pm |
Is it possible for a couple to spend too much time together, acknowledge that they need time apart, spend time apart (not broken up, just doing their own thing), and then come back together stronger than before? Or is the relationship just doomed?
We spent 3 nights/4 days together for almost the entire time and we got a bit bored and antsy. We did our own thing for a couple hours in the morning for 2 of the days, but other than that, we were together. Just the two of us; our mutual friends all had separate plans. The last night we got into a fight. As we reconciled we talked about the need to spend time with our friends. His friend then called to ask him over, and he was going to go over there that night, but then his friend had to back out later on. (My boyfriend invited me to hang out with the two of them, but I didn’t think that was a good idea.) I told him I was going to go home anyway, to give him space, but he said he didn’t want me to go. He said its not that he wants to not spend time with me, its that he wants to spend time with them. I stayed and we had a good time.
He left the next afternoon on a business trip. He called me once during the trip. I sent him an email yesterday (the day after the phone call), but he didn’t respond. I know he wasn’t looking forward to the trip, and I know from talking to him that he was stressed and not having a good time.
He’s back today (although he hasn’t emailed or called). We haven’t made weekend plans, and I know he was trying to hook up with his friend he couldn’t meet up with last weekend. I went ahead and made a couple of plans with my friends for this weekend, as I think we need some good, fun time doing our own things. But I am concerned that he didn’t call me or email me when he got back (or at the airport).
I have been feeling a bit insecure and very depressed this past week, and so I don’t trust my own emotions right now. Am I just being overly sensitive in thinking that our relationship is swiftly coming to a close? Or is this relationship salvageable? (I know his has been in more frequent contact with his ex recently, which is adding to the insecurities. I’ve decided to let that go for now, but just keep an open eye).
Thanks. I find it so hard to concentrate on work and other things when I’m in this mood!!!

Nice to see you again, Ioveranalyze!
It might just be that your relationship is going through a funk, it happens.
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi, it's good to be back. We have been together for almost six months now.
He contacted me during his business meeting on Friday and asked to see me later that day. It was clear from seeing him that my insecurities were not warranted. He was happy to see me and said he missed me. We spent last night together and caught up on the week. Today and tomorrow he had to work, and he said he was planning on hanging out with his friends this evening and tomorrow evening. But I feel better because it doesn't seem like he wants to end things with me, like my imagination feared. Rather, it just seems like he wants time to get the rest of his life in order. And knowing he wants to be with me makes me feel more secure about that!
Thanks for the article. It had some good points!
Sometimes a little absence will make the heart grow frisky for each another.
ever notice how a cat will not approach you if you are doing the heavy "here, kitty kitty kitty"?, but if you're trying to read the paper, they jump all into the middle of it and want to make kitty-love with you? Being unavailable will spark that "I need some of your attention"... if you can bear to not be around him, make him want to chase you for your attention... I think guys like a little of that off-balance feeling--makes them work for it, which they seem to like. When you make it too easy, they get bored.
Good! I'm glad it resolved itself. I know how it can be tough to be "happy" where you are when you need to get other things in order, and yeah, it's best to just do what you need to do to clear those things off your plate so you can enjoy life. Hopefully, he'll be able to verbalize that need so you're not left in the same position, wondering what's up. Sometimes though, for me anyway, it takes a day or two to figure out why I'm antsy and preoccupied; and it's pretty hard to verbalize to anyone else why I'm "off" when I haven't figured it out myself yet!
Quenek's right too, having your own life, interests and not be always available will keep him a little more in the game. If you're available 24/7 you're easier to disregard, but if you have your own life, he knows he needs to keep you interested to keep you available to him. Being independent and having your own life is important and healthy whether you're single or married. *Note* I'm not saying you aren't independent, or that you're always available, just making the comment.
I'm glad you found the article helpful, it was the last part of it that I thought might pertain to you.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
This is total hijack =)
My cat loves to suddenly become in love with me as soon as I pick up a book or the paper.
Lol, EM. My cats have a tendency to only want to hang on visitors who don't like cats!
Nice to see you back, by the way :)
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"