Does true love ever end ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Does true love ever end ?
5
Wed, 07-27-2005 - 10:17am

Hey girls (and boys)!

Here are some things I wonder about:

If you have ever truly loved someone with all your heart, did your feelings for them ever stop regardless of whether the relationship continued or ended?

When someone says "I don't love you anymore", does it mean that they never really loved you in the first place?

When someone says "I love you, but I don't wanna be in a relationship with you", is that just an excuse for getting out and they never really loved you?

I'm just wondering ...

Thanks!

SD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-28-2005 - 1:48am

Welcome to the board, Sundancerdenver ~


I think first and foremost my answer to your first question would be it depends on whether you *truly* loved them with all your heart of just thought you did at the time. If you're young (which is when phrases like "true love" generally come up) the only base you have to judge your feelings on a current relationship are based on your past experiences. Maybe you've never had a boyfriend before and this one feels like all the love that there could possibly be, but it's just as likely that it's not the most love you'll ever feel, it's just the most love you've felt so far. Young "true love" is often felt in the first several months when, in fact, the object of our affection isn't known enough to feel real love for yet and, the "love" feelings we feel are the chemical reactions that we all feel in a new relationship. I admit it, it feels really great, but it's not love. I think we can have deep feelings for others and have enough negative experiences with that person to override the good feelings we had for them. Yeah, I remember a specific guy in high school that I was completely head over heels for. I still have fond thoughts of him, still smile when I think of him. Do I love him? Nah, I don't even know who he is anymore and really didn't know him then either; we were kids! Do I want to find him, hook up with him again? Not really. I'd be interested to hear where he is, what he's doing, but I suspect we as individuals and our lives are totally different from each other. No fantasy of a romantic reunion and a "happily ever after" here!


I think the only person who can answer whether they ever really felt love for you or not is the person who's saying "I don't love you anymore" and chances are, if that person is saying it to you, you're never going to know if they're being honest or sparing your feelings.


Sometimes people say " I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" when they're trying to get out of the relationship as easy as they can, without hurting your feelings anymore than they have to. You have to admit, from the speaker's point of view, saying that seems a lot better and easier and less hurtful than being honest and saying you just don't care anymore. But again, to say they never really loved you isn't something anyone but the speaker can say. In young relationships I think it's normal for feelings to feel very strong feelings, but because of all the changes they go through, it's also very normal to find that the person who was perfect for you six months ago now just really gets on your nerves. You're evolving, he's evolving and in different ways that make you not so perfect for each other soon enough. Adult (mature) relationships take work to maintain, it's very easy to fall into a rut of taking care of external things and letting the relationship slide while you handle all the other aspects of your life. I think it's a very real thing to realize, if your relationship has slid long and far enough, that you care for your partner and have love for them, but no longer have romantic love for them.


What it sounds like though, is that you've had a break up, is that right? What's going on with you? Why do you ask these questions? What answers would you give to your questions?


What does everybody else think?





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 9:17am
Hi SD, does gold ever stop being gold????
     
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 5:00am

Just poking my head in on the way past and saw your question.

Yes, I believe that true love can die. I remember my first marriage - I was 20 and he was 24 and we were head over heels in love. But in following years we were together we grew in opposite directions. I started to grow an attitude of "if you want something, seek it" while he developed a "just sit there an complain" type of attitude. I'm sure you can imagine that they two were not compatible long term ;-)

Bearing in mind that people will grow and change throughout their entire lives, we must remember that while some grow in the same directions - others grow in opposite directions. This is not a reflection of whether or not love was 'true' but simply people's personalities developing.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 12:20pm

Hey Aisha, great to see you!








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 5:11pm

I think that true love never ends, but that we can love people who aren't good for us.

My parents were deeply in love and I believe that they do still love each other. They cannot be together though and are much better off apart. They are completely incompatible and their marriage just did not work - not for lack of love though.