A Man With Social Anxiety
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A Man With Social Anxiety
| Thu, 07-28-2005 - 7:12pm |
Anyone have ideas on dealing with a man who has Social Anxiety Disorder? It's so frustrating trying to find things to do that won't get my man really upset from being in a crowd or unfamiliar place. I need HELP!

What does your boyfriend offer as suggestions?
What does his therapist recommend or suggest?
Is he on meds? If he's on meds, have you noticed a change in their effectiveness and have you been together long enough to be able to judge his meds effectiveness? (wondering if different meds might be more helpful or if his dosage needs to be adjusted).
I haven't been in a relationship with someone who has Social Anxiety Disorder, I can only imagine how difficult that would be. Are you a quite social person by nature? Have you checked out Anxiety, Panic & Phobias on the iVillage Health and Well-Being Channel? You may get some great thoughts and suggestions there as well.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hey Brianna ~ I would think his disappearing act would also make you feel frustrated and perhaps irritated -- and guilty for feeling that way too. How long have you been together?
FYI - his therapist won't be able to talk to you about him without your boyfriend's written permission for him to do that. I may have said it wrong, but I was thinking that his therapist might have given your boyfriend some suggestions, but I'm guessing if he's only been in therapy a short time they may not be far enough along in improvement for his therapist to be encouraging him to stretch out and try things.
How long have you been together? Are you pretty social by nature?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Hi again- to answer your questions: We've been together about 8 months. I'm fairly social, but not to the point of being a party girl or anything; I just like to go out to community activities like local concerts and festivals and occasionally out dancing, but always with a few friends or my family. You hit the guilt thing right on- I get frustrated and begin to be snappish with him, then I realize that the reason he's being a pain is because it takes an enormous effort for him to stay calm while we're out in loud, crowded places. Thx for the therapist advice, but usually his sister, who's also trying to help him with the disorder, is as good a source as the therapist himself. Thanks again.
BTW, thx for addressing me by a first name, I like the idea of the community here being that close, but it's Kate, please.
Hi, Kate!
i have a colleague and close friend who has social anxiety disorder. His idea of a good time used to be coming to work and going home to do laundry. In the three years that I have known him, he has come a long way. One of the things that helps him is that we do a quick run-through of what he can expect ("When we get there we'll greet the host and hostess--be sure to tell her that everything looks wonderful, or that you can tell she's gone to a lot of trouble to make us feel welcome--then we'll get some snacks and walk around the room, saying hello to people.").
It usually helps him to have an idea of why things are happening. I was always perplexed by his refusal of refreshments, until I found out that he thought they were for quenching thirst or easing hunger. If he wasn't hungry or thirsty, forget it. Now he understands social nibbling and sipping, and has learned to do it just fine, although it took a certain amount of nudging and reminding: "This is a social thing."
He has also learned some appropriate responses. He now knows to say, "Thank you for dinner, I had a very good time," and "Yes, I'd love to come. What would you like me to bring?"
It has taken a long time and a lot of patience, but now his life is broader, and the rest of us have a colleague with whom we can socialize. Keep at it a baby step at a time, and your boy friend can be successful, too.
Hey Kate ~ I had a feeling you'd feel guilty, I would expect that would be a pretty easy feeling to get to. It's especially hard to be patient with things that seem simple and easy to do, you know? Please be sure to give yourself a break in the guilt department. You're not out of line to want to do things out in the public forum with your boyfriend and you're human -- you're going to feel some frustration about the situation from time to time, anybody would. Come on back here and vent anytime you feel the need about it, or anything else for that matter.
I would think it would be really important for you to keep up your social activities with friends and families. That will be good on several different levels. It will keep you doing the things you like to do (which means you're satisfying your need, which is good), you're spending time away from each other, which is also very good for all relationships (and the fact that you're out doing social/public things may give him a little extra push to work to get to where you are) and it will keep you from feeling closed in, suffocated or that you've sacrificed the kind of life that you like for the relationship. That would lead to big time resentment on your part. I know what you really want is to go places with him, but it sounds like that's not often possible right now. When he's been in therapy longer and his therapist thinks he's ready, I'd think his therapist will be giving him some "assignments" or suggestions for public activities he'd like him to do.
Geo gave you some great stuff and I hope you're getting some good suggestions on the Anxiety board too. Don't forget to continue to take care of yourself by continuing to do the things you like to do. This is a relationship -- not a sacrifice, you know? You matter!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Understanding the Opposite Sex
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"