How to talk?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2005
How to talk?
6
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:13am

My BF and I are hitting a brick wall and we're just driving each other insane. He's the kind of person who wants to keep things to himself. When I ask him to talk to me he tells me that it upsets him more to talk about it or that "he's just not that deep". Then he's moody and sulks around and I feel like I'm being shut out.

I'm the kind of person who needs to talk about something big is bothering me. When I approach him with something like this he absolutely refuses to be believe that it's not an attack at him. He thinks that there's either something that I need him to do or something that he's not doing that I think he should. I've tried expressing to him in every way I can think of that this isn't the case.

I feel like he's not listening to me. He feels like I’m just looking for trouble. There's got to be a better way, isn't there? How can we find a common ground for our communication styles?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:36am

How long have you two dated?


Has this always been his mode of operation?


Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2005
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:53am
We've dated casually for 3 years. Gotten more serious in the past year. This is how he's handled most things in the past. If he ever does open up it's in the middle of an argument. I thought things were supposed to be different after our relationship started to mature.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 11:43am

Where is the "hhhmmmm" icon when you need it.


Peace,

Di

***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 5:46pm

I haven't really got any advice, except to say that I have ended a relationship over this.

My theory towards partners goes like this: "If your problem makes you moody and horrible to be around, then share it. If you don't want to share, then spare me the drama and act normal. But don't make me suffer while not letting me in"

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 6:01pm

Wow, that's a great line. If I were still seeing the moody drama king I just broke up with a few weeks ago, I'd use that for sure!!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-18-2005 - 2:47pm

I agree with what's been said here. Three years of the same kind of behavior pretty clearly tells you this is the way he is, period. Changing that isn't likely, unless he wants to improve the way he communicates with you. Have you tried talking to him about the communicate problems you have at a time when there isn't an issue between you? If not, I'd suggest it, and if you have, what has he said about it? Have you considered couples counseling?


I'm also in complete agreement with Aisha -- if something's going on that affects how you act, let me know what's going on so I can understand; if you don't want to talk about it then suck it up, but keeping me confused as to what's going on isn't fair.





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