advice given in MC question.....??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2005
advice given in MC question.....??
3
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 5:39pm

Hello, I continue to be in the middle of an issue with my husband that has caused me to question both our past and our future. We are in MC (me for the last 2 months, him for the last 2 appointments!!) together. Here's my question: in a situation where the couple is opting to rebuild the marriage, is the MC giving good advice to suggest that the couple "drop the issue" (regardless of the outstanding questions and uncertainties) and just move forward??? (Granted, the moving forward means getting closer and being supportive of each other, etc.)
Yes, my H and I have pretty much discussed the details (of our issue). But we are in disagreement on so many of those details that it seems kind of irresponsible to not find resolution before attempting to move forward. Not to mention the emotional challenges of feeling forced to wear a happy mask......
I'm just whining..... anyone know a good counselor???

So,.... is this good advice??? anyone have advice on how to follow this advice???
I'm feeling let down..... thanks, S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:23pm

Welcome back, Shanerry ~


For those who may want to refresh themselves on Shanerry's situation, you can find it here:

Just not sure of his explanation


I think if you're not happy with the way your therapist suggests things be handled, you should voice that during the session. After all, it's your therapy, hardly the time to be nice and keep what you really think back, you know? If the therapist can't explain why his/her way is the right approach in a way that makes sense to you, it seems to me that the therapist (and his/her approach) isn't right for you. Sucking it up and wearing a happy mask isn't going to help you, your marriage, or the situation.


I know you were kind of kidding when you asked if anyone knew a good therapist, but here's a couple of articles that might help you if you decide to look for another:

Referrals For a Qualified Therapist
Your Therapist/Counselor's Credentials





~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Crisis Center: Rape and Suicide








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 8:41pm

I think that it really depends on what the issue being "dropped" is. If we're talking something huge like infidelity or drug use...then leaving the issue unresolved is unwise.

However, I suspect that if the counsellor is advising to drop the subject, then the issue is that of differing opinions rather than someone doing something technically 'wrong'. In these situations partners can debate the differences in their opinions back and forwards forever, but if neither is willing to change there really is no point. The only answer is to "agree to disagree".

My DH and I rarely have opposite opinions, but when we do, we make sure that we totally understand and sympathise with the other person's feelings and then respectfully agree to disagree.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 9:18pm
Having been to a number of counselors for major issues, my advise is that if this is a major issue, find someone else. You MUST be comfortable with the counselor and thier advise in order for them to make a difference. It often takes going to a few different counselors before you find the right "fit." How does your partner feel about this counselor? If he is uncomfortable or has no feeling about it one way or the other, get out the phone book, your doc's number, your internet, your minister's number, or however else you are going to look around for someone else. One place that is an excellent referal services, although it is not thier job to do so, is a woman's shelter. They often send thier clients to lower cost counselors with a good reputation and good credentials. Some women's shelters won't give this out if you are not an abused woman, so keep that in mind. (They are also a good referal for a divorce attorney, not that that is what is being asked about! Just an aside.)

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