Myrinalyn here~Everyone here was right..
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Myrinalyn here~Everyone here was right..
| Wed, 09-14-2005 - 5:33pm |
If anyone here would feel better by me saying, "You were all right". You all told me so and I didn't listen.

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Hi, Myrinalyn!
It's good to see you. I've been thinking about you and wondering how you are.
It is sad to see that you slipped back into your addiction to this man for a few weeks, but it looks as if you may have realized some things about him and your relationship with him (notice that I'm not saying anything about his relationship with you--he doesn't seem to have one). When those realizations go all the way to the bone, you will be ready to move on.
One thing I have observed in your posts is a desire for a specific kind of closure. You want him to acknowledge his shortcomings, agree that they had a part in the ending of the relationship, and validate your wish to part. Myrinalyn, that is never going to happen. As far as he is concerned, it is all your fault. You were/are inadequate. You don't trust him enough, you interfere in his business, and you're always wanting to talk about serious relational things. You want to prove him wrong in these outrageous claims, so you keep going back to plead your case.
With the help of your therapist, I hope you will reach the point at which you will be able to say, "Maybe it IS all my fault, but you know what? It's not worth my time," and then walk away.
Speaking of therapists, I am noticing also that you go through them at a rapid pace. This time, make a committment to stay with the therapist, NO MATTER WHAT, for at least a year. Tossing them aside like used tissues is just a waste of money and time--give yourself and your therapist enough time to accomplish some good.
I'm glad you posted...I have often thought of you and wondered how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear you went back to him, but glad you are out again and getting counseling of the type that might really help you.
Keep us posted on how you're doing!
Sheri
I realized today more than ever before that I really am whacked in the head and I do have a few screws loose.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
Sorry, I'm confused...are you still with him? I thought from your first post you went back to him but then broke up when you realized that nothing had changed?
Sheri
Hi myrinalyn.
Yes, it's important to recognize problems in yourself, and your abuse therapist would have gotten to that. You cannot take on the whole thing at once, dealing with one issue at a time is all you can do, and, right now, focusing on the abuse is the most important thing. In fact, it's critical.And no, I don't think anyone here will feel better by hearing you say "You were right". We weren't posting to prove we were right to you, we were posting to try and help you get out of a very bad situation and to help you help yourself have the kind of happy life you want and deserve.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
Edited 9/17/2005 11:35 pm ET ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Should I move out?
~Hi All~ Still here have made progress
I moved out, he dumped me it hurts :(
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
The counselor has been counseling for 12 years mostly through her church but in the past several years she does her counseling out of her house.
~Live to be happy~Be happy to live~
I just don't get it. Why do you continue to run from appropriate help and embrace inappropriate, ineffective help?
You start out by saying "you were all right", but continue to make sure you stay stuck. The counselor your with is not a DV counselor and is not adequate or appropriate to help you. She may be "great" but she's getting it wrong and you're getting more screwed up in the process. Why do you want to keep yourself hurt, stuck and confused?
Conincidentally, just today on the DV board there's a post about the importance of getting counseling with a counselor who is licensed in domestic violence. It explains why it's important.
It's called "Regular" vs. DV Counseling: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldomesting&msg=25013.1&ctx=0
What I really don't get is why you refuse to listen to people who know, especially when you continue to see that they are right. It seems like they're more interested in helping you than you are!
Wow. Do you know WHY the focus in your abuse group was on leaving abusive relationships? Because THEY CANNOT BE FIXED!!!!
I can't believe that anyone who knows ANYTHING about abuse is suggesting that you stay in an abusive relationship.
Yes, you need to work on you, but NOT while you're in an abusive relationship!
NOTHING YOU DO WILL CHANGE HIM. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT HE IS ABUSIVE. NO MATTER *HOW* BADLY YOU BEHAVE, THAT DOESN'T JUSTIFY ABUSE!!!!
I am very fearful for you. This counselor is giving you false hope.
Sheri
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