Retrouvaille, anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Retrouvaille, anyone?
8
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:23am

Hello,


I have come to the board to see if anyone has any experience with Retouvaille.

~Steph~

cl-Post Baby Weight Loss

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 5:04pm

In addition to any responses here, you might also try the Betrayed Spouse Support board...I know there have been posts by people on that board who have done Retrouvaille.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 9:39pm

It looks like no one here has had any experience with Retouvaille, I know I haven't, sorry.


How was your weekend? Do you think it was good for him and/or your marriage? Are you two making any changes as a result?


Good luck with this, I hope you see some positive changes as a result, and we would be very interested in your impression of Retouvaille, maybe it will be something we'll feel should be suggested to others.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown










my signature exchange partner:

Sexual Pleasure








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 11:12am

Thanks for your response.

It was a good program, especially for couples who are having a tough time talking and listening to each other. I think a shortened version would be fantastic for couples getting ready to be married because some people really don't know how to be a spouse. They may be in love, but that doesn't mean they know how to talk about the tough stuff, or even what the tuff stuff may end up being.
It was a long weekend, and very emotional, but they taught some helpful tools. It was very dependent on Faith and God, which is a great comfort and support for me, but not for my husband. There are six follow up sessions and we have not decided whether we will attend or not. Though I am willing to make it work and try my best, he is not attracted to me anymore. He has put a wall around himself that just won't come down and I feel sorry for him. We will remain friends for our daughter's sake, but are going to go through with the legal separation.
Thanks, again, for listening.

~Steph~


cl-Post Baby Weight Loss


Mommy to Sweet Shannyn 5/2004






~Steph~

cl-Post Baby Weight Loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 12:39pm

Steph,

I'm sorry that the program wasn't better for your husband. I really feel for you too, what with being told that he just isn't/wasn't ready to be a dad. I wonder how much of that plays into everything. And I have to say that it's a sensitive area for me. Doesn't matter if he isn't/wasn't ready, he is a dad. And it's just something he needs to suck up and deal with. And it's so frustrating when you want something to work and are so willing, yet met with resistance.

So, no advice from me, unfortunately, but lots of empathy and hugs. (((Hugs)))

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 1:49pm

Thanks, Jen.

~Steph~

cl-Post Baby Weight Loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2005
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 1:51pm
AAAHHH!!!! sorry, sorry

~Steph~

cl-Post Baby Weight Loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 09-19-2005 - 1:52pm

LOL, thanks about the screen name comment. You know it fits when it's what my kids call me, ROFL!

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-20-2005 - 2:27am

Steph, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'd say it's pretty lousy timing (and irresponsible) for him to decide he isn't ready to be a dad when his child is 16 months old. And I know you know this, but if he's "that far gone" he may not be able to come back around to wanting a relationship with you. Feelings that aren't there can't be forced. And if it is a wall that he's not willing to put down or work to resolve issues that built the wall up in the first place, there's not much you can do make him do it and you can't do it for him.


What you can do is what it sounds like you're resolved to do, move forward as positively as you can, knowing he's the real loser here. I know at this point it doesn't feel like it, but if this is his attitude and his preference, you're better off without him. You will go on to great happiness, and I'm certain you'll look back and be glad that it turned out the way it did.


Feel free to vent, share concerns, questions, hopes and/or fears with us, we're here for you. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown










my signature exchange partner:

Sexual Pleasure








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"