Too jealous...
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Too jealous...
| Wed, 09-21-2005 - 1:18pm |
I have been in my current relationship for 2 years, and just to make sure you know--my boyfriend has also focused on me being the main priority--keeping me happy. My boyfriend has stopped talking to his friends as much...and doesnt see his family much either. Just to get you up to speed, we have recently decided to seperate for a bit-just to kind of get back into life-get our friends back, and so forth. We have lived together for about a year and a half out of the 2 years that we have known each other and been dating. So, anyways, I seem to have a bit of a jealousy problem. For example, he met this girl at work, and started to hang out with her, about 2 times a week. I KNEW they were just talking, and I KNEW that he wasnt doing anything with her OTHER than that. But I was jealous of them just TALKING!! What if he was having more fun with her than me? And also, when he comes home and chills upstairs with his dad (we live in his dad's house atm) and just chats...I get aggravated because he is upstairs talking to his dad instead of me. When he hangs out with his friends, that once a month that them and him actually have the same days off of work, I get jealous. I am sick of it. I REALLY want him to have fun. He doesnt even hang out with that girl anymore because of me and not wanting to upset me. I hate this, I just want to be cool with him being with OTHER PEOPLE. I am moving out because of our temp seperation, just so that we can focus on other things, and get our own lives back on track. I honestly think I am just afraid of losing him, how do I go about just trusting him and giving him space?... If you have any other questions to kind of simplify this rant of mine, just ask. I know it is kind of all over the place...

Welcome to the board, Chibicheebs ~ Sorry it took me so long to get here, work, after-work commitments, kids, etc. It's been one of those crazy days and I haven't been able to get here until now.
I have a couple of quick questions, if you don't mind...
They may seem like silly questions, but they'll help me have a much better idea of what's going on.
Thanks in advance!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Whose decision was it to back off and spend more time with others?
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Ok, I understand that now, and it helps have a better idea of the dynamics. But what about you? You've said that you're not too social, that you don't want or need so much interaction, but what are you doing now that you're not together all the time?
You say it's your jealousy acting up again, blowing things out of proportion, thinking he was cheating and lying to you. You've been suspicious with him before? Why? Did a previous boyfriend cheat on you or what? As far as this girl goes, Have you been included in their getting together? Have you met her? Was he open and honest in telling you about her from the start and is he open about what they're do now? Being absolutely open and honest about get togethers is crucial to keeping a platonic relationship above board and making sure your bf/gf doesn't have reason to be suspicious. If they've been getting together, you should know ahead of time that they're planning to (unless it's spur of the moment, of course) and you should always feel welcomed to join them. Do you? It doesn't sound like the three of you can hang out together, why? Do I understand right in hearing you say that for two years he wasn't interested in seeing friends, then suddenly wants to hang out with this new friend, even though he's still not voicing desire to hang out with his old friends? Honestly, just based on what I think I understand from your last post, his agreeing to live separately primarily so he can see his new friend seems a little odd to me.
Since you suggested step away from the relationship a bit because you thought he was interested in this other girl it sounds like you felt threatened from the very beginning of their relationship. Did you guys talk about that? What I mean is, if he came home and said, "There's this new girl at work, Jill, and she's really great. We talked, had lunch, blah, blah, blah" did you say nothing, did you say, "Well, maybe we should back off a little so you can spend more time with Jill" did you say, "Hmm, this friendship feels a little threatening to me, tell me about it, should I be concerned?" or something else? In other words, what kind of communication about the friendship did you have before you suggesting backing off? I'm guessing that maybe you didn't say much about it at all rather than listen to him talk about her; it seems like if you'd had much conversation, you'd have known that this was a platonic thing.
I'm sure I'm driving you crazy asking questions when what you're looking for is answers, but without knowing what's up it's hard to say anything that has much of a chance of being right for your situation. And how can I know that you aren't right to feel threatened?
Something I really don't get is why you had to live separate to allow for more freedom as individuals in your relationship. Why can't you just agree that you'll spend "x" number of evenings doing separate things, "x" number of nights together and "x" number of date nights? How do you plan to proceed from here? After a few months of freedom and fun moving back in together and going back to just the two of you or what? Is there a plan? I just don't get why, if he's been craving others to talk to, he can't just do that with you there. Can you help me out? I know you said you've been together for two years, but how old are you guys?
I'd really like to hear your answers so I can offer you some thoughts and suggestions that are based on your situation rather than assumptions, it just seems like there's a lot that hasn't been said, it seems confused and sketchy. I don't think I have a good picture of the situation.
I mean, the bottom line is that all you can do is focus on your own stuff and keep yourself active. If he's going to start up with someone else, keeping him on a short leash isn't going to stop him. The only person you can control is you. But I really get the feeling that there's a lot more that could be offered and suggested if you gave us a good explanation of the situation. I hope you will....
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Sexual Pleasure
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"