my cat is the man of the house...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2005
my cat is the man of the house...
1
Sun, 10-02-2005 - 11:51pm
I have a 15 year old male Persian (Shelby). I've had him longer than I've had my current/third husband(I hoped final), of ten years. Shelby is the man of this house. He is the man that loves me, nurtures me, cuddles with me, needs me. I've told my husband on more than one occasion (sp?) "if Shelby is in your chair - DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ASKING HIM TO MOVE! HE'S THE MAN OF THIS HOUSE!" I said it jokingly, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's true. DH is uncaring, unloving, lazy, selfish and the longer I know him, the more selfish he gets. I left him once , three years ago. He cried and begged me to come back and promised he'd try harder to be more attentive. I'm about ready to throw in the towel. Our granddaughters were here visiting this w/e and he spent the entire time (except when he got up to eat or go to the bathroom), in his chair, watching f'ball. I'm so tired of this relationship. We've talked about going to counseling, but something always happens and we don't go. I've told him how I feel, time and time again and he just gets defensive. The words "I'm sorry" are not in his vocabulary. My heart tells me to leave. But I'm between a rock and a hard place. I'm currently unemployed as I am writing my first non-fiction book. A true story, based on the journals I kept while I cared for my dying mother (another story of a non-supportive DH). I have no $. A crappy car. My kids are grown, so nothing is keeping me here except the lack of a way out. I feel better just writing this down. I'd like to hear anyone's input on this. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-03-2005 - 2:12am

I'm sorry for the place you find yourself in, Mimioftwo, not at all the place you'd like to be.


I know that I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but I'll say it anyway. You've watched your relationship slowly getting worse and worse, which is exactly what happens without real intervention and real change. You left, he cried and begged and promised to be more attentive, but it appears no real plan was set in place to make that happen and as a result, human nature did what it does and had things back to "normal" in no time. And, if what he really wanted was to have you back (not change), then once he got what he wanted, the need to change would have seemed much less urgent for him. You said you've talked about going to counseling, but something always comes up. It sounds like at this point your relationship is in dire straits, it's past time to make counseling happen. You say you know in your heart what you need to leave, I'd suggest you give counseling a try before you absolutely make that decision, but if you know it's over, it's over and counseling isn't going to help. Whether you're sure or not, I'd suggest putting your focus into finding work so that you are able to put some money aside so that if you do decide to leave, you can have enough to get started and support yourself. You know for sure nothing's going to change or get better without some action, and I'll bet the change of focus will help you feel better too.


Good luck, keep up informed on how it's going!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown










my signature exchange partner:

Sexual Pleasure








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"