his job comes first
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his job comes first
| Thu, 10-06-2005 - 2:39am |
I am currently engaged to the man I will spend the rest of my life with. When I met him I was fed up with, and left a man, who obviously decided I was not a priority in his life. When I first met my fiance he warned me that his job would require a lot of his time and, as he said, it takes a special person to be able to handle it. I said I would be fine, and I truely believed I would be, until recently. I have come to realize recently that I am very unhappy with it. I asked him to please maximize the time we do have together, but I feel it is a lot to ask for because he can be so exhausted. He and I have a great relationship, but this, to me, is very important, and the rest of my life. He and I discussed it in the past and he became very emotional about the fact that I was so upset by this. Our weekends, and some weeknights, are usually great, but 4 out of 7 nights I may be alone because he works or is asleep. Does anyone have a situation similar, and how do you plan your free time?

Welcome to the board, Karm12 ~
How long have you been with your fiance? How long had you been with the man you left before him?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Of course, it's important to have your own interests and to be responsible for your own entertainment and happiness. Spending your evening as you would if you were unattached should take care of that, going out with friends, taking classes or pursuing other interests. But, I don't know that that's going to be enough for you, you've pretty clearly indicated a relationship needs to contain lots of time together to be right for you. And frankly, in a committed relationship, I think your partner should come first, don't you?
Karm, I know you didn't ask this, but I would suggest you not make any further commitments for quite a while and stay very aware of how this relationship goes along for a while. When you consider that the dynamics of a relationship have up to the entire first year being a less-than-honest view of how the relationship will be, the fact that you left your last relationship due to lack of time together and that at the one year mark you're already unhappy about this same issue, it seems very likely this relationship will not contain the very qualities that you insist on in a relationship that's right for you.
Your fiance was very honest with you about the situation, I'm surprised you were willing to continue knowing that what was a deal-breaker in your last relationship would be a big factor in this relationship as well. You sure you want to continue in a relationship that's most likely going to give you less of what you want and need as time goes on?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"