What do I do with my depressed husband?
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What do I do with my depressed husband?
| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 5:10pm |
My husband has always been very ambitious and a great provider. About a month ago he had issues with our business partner and they did not see eye-to-eye. He started blaming me for his problems, saying i was depressed and the root of all his problems. i got sad and even cried for 2 days, then wisened up discovering that i truly am a happy person and fun to be with, he was depressed. We were a day away from signing divorce papers and I asked him he was depressed, he said "yes, he was". So i got him on some antidepressants, but they just made him literally sleep him life away. We have bills to pay and he doesn't want to do anything about it, yet i am the housewife among other jobs that entail with 2 kids. My son is haviong behavioral issues at school and I have been reasearching that problem too, and my son seems to be receptive to my new findings on how to raise him, yet my husband clams up and doesn't want the help for himself. We stopped the antidepressants in order for him to not sleep away his days, but he still is very depressed, and even mean to me, like flipping me off, or saying f..you freely to me. I am frankly disgusted with the way he treats me, yet i want to see him get happy again. He tells me that I am the only one for him, and haw beautiful I am ( which I am beautiful) but he is pushing me further and further away, by hurting me so and watching a once so strong minded and happy individual self-distruct. he doesn't communiate well, gets very defensive, and will end up leaving or lately sleeping. (p.s. we are in our late 20's, with 2 young boys to think about)thank you, needs good advice.
Edited 10/8/2005 6:09 pm ET ET by nclaca
Edited 10/8/2005 6:09 pm ET ET by nclaca

In addition to the meds, is he in counseling? Until he is and addresses the issues, sadly nothing is going to change.
Reading material:
When Someone You Love Is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself, Laura Epstein Rosen
The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression, John Lynch
What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed, Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant
Carrie
Once I understand a little better I'll be able to offer you thoughts and suggestions. Thanks in advance for your explanations!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Nice to see you Itwinflame!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
So he's sleeping days away instead of going to work and as a result not getting a paycheck?
It sounds like rather than asking your son's take on trying something different with him you've taken a new approach and he's responding positively.
I still don't know anything about the questions I asked regarding your husband's diagnosis, prescription and treatment:
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I guess I should have explained myself further. The reason I asked the questions about your husband's medication, diagnosis and continued treatment is because it sounds like he didn't see a doctor or therapist and wasn't actually diagnosed. I may be completely wrong, and I hope I am, but it's very dangerous for a lay person to diagnose a problem and even more dangerous to medicate based on a lay diagnosis. If that's what's happened, I would first strongly urge you to get your husband to his doctor or therapist immediately before going a step further in doing anything. If he refuses to get help, that would be another story, but you haven't said that. In any case, diagnosing and medicating a problem yourself is not a step anyone should take.
As for his drinking (assuming my understanding is correct), he may very well be self-medicating his problem, whatever it may be. It's a very common occurrence when mental health issues go improperly diagnosed or undiagnosed.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:Living Together
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"