I am new here & hope some of u can help

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
I am new here & hope some of u can help
17
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:31am
First off my DH and I have been married 10 years and have dated almost 6 years before this. I have been to counseling for 2 months without him and than him and I also went for a few months. First off he is a perfectionist in every way possible that the word means. It drives me more crazy than nails on a chalkboard. Its like the minute he starts with his "anal crap" I call it I shut down and shut him out. He knows how I feel when he gets that way. At times I feel its reflecting on our kids and they are wanting to do things a certain way ALL THE TIME.
This marriage has not been happy go lucky all the time. In the beginning he would drink once in awhile and when he did he would have a temper like there is no tomorrow. We went through anger management classes together and ever since I protect my girls like a mother lion of her young. He has not acted out with his temper anymore so thats good. I have had numerous affairs. Yes this is a problem. We were seperated this last spring and filed for divorce and I was starting to see someone else. I ended up walking away from this other man and thought I need to try all possible outlets for my sake the kids sake and DH's sake so that if this doesn't work I know I tried all possible outlets. I am back and we built a house this last year so we all just moved in it 2 months ago. Its a beautiful house but there is a part of me that doesn't feel like its a home. There is also a huge part of me that doesn't feel like I can give my DH 100% of me anymore. I feel like I am at the end of my road for this marriage. I haven't seen my counselor in 2 months now and I think I need to get back fast here or this marriage might be over. There is no other guy I am involved in to distract me away from my DH but I am miserable. He gives me the world and financially we are not bad off and I am able to be a SAHM. I feel like a horrible person inside because I don't have the feelings for him but I don't know what to do. I am so sad and depressed I just can't do this anymore. The last guy I was seeing that I walked away from I truly loved and could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with him and his kids. I loved his kids and I know I have learned to let go of him but I still hurt over him as well. Sorry if this got to long. I hope someone can shed some advise that may have been in the same boat as me. Thanks for listening again.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 10:58am
bumping...can someone lend some advise!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 11:39am

Welcome to the board, Grls4us ~ Hang in there, someone will get to you!








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:00pm
Hi grls4us - do you have an email address? I'd like to send you an email if you didn't mind.
I know your anxious for a response but I'd like to send an email.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 12:05pm

email me at momwithgirls@hotmail.com

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 1:09pm
Hi! Sent you an email! Good luck and keep posting!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:08am

Hi grls4us, I'm sorry you had to wait so long and hope Quirky_girl's email helped.


I agree with you that you should go back to your therapist, it will help you make the decision that's right for you and will help you be sure of that decision. It will be a good outlet for your feelings too, and I know you could use that!


Since you and your husband are working to rebuild your relationship, I wonder why you two aren't in couples counseling to help you? How long have you been back together? Did you feel this way before you moved into the new house? What kinds of things are the two of you working on to improve things, both in communicating and in doing things together without your kids? It sounds like the anger problem was years ago, is that right, or is it more recent than that?


Don't worry about the length of your post. Yours wasn't long, and even if it had been, it's important to be able to say everything you want and need to say.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Living Together








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 9:36am
Hi grls4us,
Just wondering how things are going. I haven't heard back from you so I don't know if my email helped or not. Let us all know how you're doing. Hope you're ok...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 1:15pm
Well, money isnt everything. You have to do what is in your heart. If you are that miserable, it has to be affecting everyone in your household. This isnt healthy for you, your kids, or your husband. Yor deserve to be happy and so dose he. Think hard and long before you walk away and make sure it is what you want. If you do leave, it sounds like you need to spend some time alone with your kids and focus on them for a while.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 4:20pm
I have an appointment back tomorrow with my therapist. I can't wait and I am anxious to actually go. I get a sense of relief and feel I can talk to her about anything. We stopped going because we moved into the house and DH feels we don't need it now. We don't get much time at all to ourselves. He does his thing and I tend to do mine. That is where I feel I am done. He knows what he needed to work on and he isn't doing a whole lot of trying on anything. He also took a 5 day 4 wheeling trip with friends and I have been waiting 2+ years to go visit my brother in Vegas and still can't seem to go because he would have to take time off and than he isn't making money while I am spending $ visiting my brother. I have a free place to stay and airfare is cheap. I just feel the feelings are gone more than anything. He is my roommate and pays the bills and I raise the kids. Its really sad because I love his family and I can't imagine what this will or could do to the kids. I am in no hurry to start dating other people right now if we were to split. Right now I just want to focus on my counseling and the kids. I will update more later on. Thanks for the email and thanks for the advise everyone. I really appreciate the support here you ladies are AWESOME!! Thanks again.
Carrie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2005
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 11:25pm
I promise I will update tomorrow. I am a little nervous to go back but anxious to get back and let my stress all down and out!! Thanks again everyone.
Carrie

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