who leads?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
who leads?
2
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 4:23pm
It seems like I am in a relationship where I feel like I am doing most of the work? Is this normal? I feel like I am taking the lead in the activities that we do together and the time we spend together. Of course, he'll ask me to do things that he likes to do but his interests are limited---baseball and movies. I am not used to being the lead in a relationship and have only dated guys that were the leaders. This is so new to me and it's exhausting. Is he losing interest? He's the shy type that doesn't like confrontation and usually follows what I like to do it time permits. Any insights would be much appreciated
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: sweetpea2800
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 5:33pm

You've probably just got one of those guys who's happy to do what you like. And he's probably content just to let you decide. Is this normal? Well, it is for him.

You could discuss this with him, but I suspect that you'd be trying to change his basic personality. And for this reason, I doubt anything would change long term.

If I were you, I would discuss it with him just so that you know you've done what you can. However, don't necessarily expect long term changes. In the meantime, figure out whether or not he's the type of guy you want long term. Perhaps you simply need a planner.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sweetpea2800
Wed, 10-12-2005 - 12:58am

I agree that it's probably the kind of guy you have -- one that's a follower rather than a leader. I agree with you, if you're the kind of person who doesn't want to feel like they're calling all the shots, it's exhausting.


I agree with Aisha that if you're not happy with the situation (and clearly you're not!) you should talk to him about it, tell him you want his input and suggestions more and maybe strike an agreement to take turns deciding what you'll do, etc. Asking for him to make half the decisions is only fair, after all.







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