Rooming situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2005
Rooming situation
7
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:31am

Hi everyone,

I’m new to this board. I really need some input from others so I can make the right decision.

My boyfriend and I've been going out for about five months now. My boyfriend’s parents are coming to visit from another state to meet me for the first time. Here’s one question for you. Rooming situation. I have to stay with him and his parents for the weekend at his apartment. Since there are only two rooms he suggested that his parents take one room and we take the other. But my concern is, is it okay for us to be sharing the room when I’m meeting them for the first time? Should I ask him to use the couch in the living room? I already discussed this with my bf and he said it’s fine that we do use the same room. He said they wouldn’t mind or care. But manner-wise, is it okay? What do you all think? Please help. I’m very nervous and don’t want to make any mistake or anything. I want them to really like me since I really like my bf....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 5:57pm

I think that much of this dilemma depends on three questions:

1. how old are the two of you?
2. how open minded are his parents?
3. what is your b/f's opinion on this situation? (he knows them better than anyone)

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 9:52pm

Welcome to the board, Whieteawithyou ~


I've been thinking your post over all day. I thought about asking your boyfriend for his thoughts on how his parents will react and have decided that's not such a great idea. Too many times I've asked guys their thoughts on what someone else's (parent, friend, relative) style is in meeting them for the first time, only to find (much to my horror more often than I'd like to recall) that while the guy would paint them as "just fine, really easy, they're casual people so the party will be very informal, etc., etc." only to find quite the opposite and be uncomfortable with how I'm dressed, or how I've approached an issue or event. I think the guy always means well, but often they're not as sensitive or attentive to the things that we're wanting a read on. Know what I mean?


I think the only right answer here is for you to do what you would be most comfortable doing. For instance, what would you rather have happen? Find out that they really don't think it's necessary for you to sleep on the couch or find out they are horrified that you'd sleep with their son while they're in the house. Ultimately, it's your boyfriend's place and he's free to do as he wants (it would be different if you guys were staying with his folks) but if not upsetting them is your goal, I'd say you err on the side of separate rooms until you know their preference yourself. The worst that would happen is that they'd think it was sweet that you'd respected them enough to choose the couch. And if they're very progressive they'll let you know it's not necessary. Even if your boyfriend assures you his last girlfriend slept with him while they were there, you'll have no way to know whether his folks just seemed to be okay with it or whether they really were okay with it. Let us know what you decide and how it goes!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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Living Together








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 10:14pm
I'm an older mom with a 21 year-old daughter, so I will just give you my reaction and advice.
Please play it safe. Many, many parents of my generation still frown on premarital sex, and you really have no idea where your boyfriend's parents stand on this issue. And first impressions ARE important. Just speaking for myself (and husband and most of our friends), if we were meeting one of our children's love interests for the first time, and he/she said goodnight after a pleasant "getting to know you" evening and THEN went off to bed with my kid, it would leave a very sour taste in our mouths. First of all, it would almost be like the kids were shoving their lifestyle in our faces. Also, we would feel insulted that our son/daughter's friend wouldn't put their best foot forward at an introductory meeting. Shoot, at least make a pretense of old-fashioned virtue for their sake. After all, this young man just might wind up being your husband one day. If this happens, his parents will play an ENORMOUS role in your life and in the life of your children. Be sure the first impression is an impeccable one. Err on the side of caution.
By the way, why do you HAVE to spend the night?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Tue, 10-25-2005 - 11:03pm

I would definitely plan to not be sleeping with him. Just thinking of meeting those people for the first time and all the politeness and nervousness that goes with it, then looking them in the face as I trod off to bed with thier son for the night and trying to imagine being anything other than soooo uncomfortable? No way, it wouldn't feel comfortable AT ALL! No matter what your boyfriend says, I'd need to know them better before making a move like that with them.

I vote you take the couch.




Edited 10/25/2005 11:04 pm ET by marcymayschwartz
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 1:49pm
I agree. It's only one weekend. To avoid the hassle of "what if" "what will they think", causing you unneccesary anxiety, etc. etc. etc. I would just camp out on the couch, or maybe have your bf offer to sleep on the couch!
Eliminate the headache and sleep separately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 2:05pm
Thank you so much for all of your great inputs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 9:02pm

Good luck with your weekend, let us know how it goes!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:

Living Together








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"