new poster--hope you can help me
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| Wed, 11-02-2005 - 6:47pm |
Hi, I'm new here-my name is Selma. Where to begin, lol. Anyhow I have been dating a man for about 8 months-I'm going to Call him M, we have known each other for 10+ years. I used to be married to his best friend R. Anyhow- R and I were together for 12 years. R and I have 2 kids together. in June 2003 after M and his wife divorced and R and I seperated, we had a passionate night together. M had alot to drink and I didn't think he remember about it. 2 years went by and we haven't seen each other- I moved away. I had a baby Feb 04-- R signed his name to the birth certificate-I told him he wasn't her father. Jan 05 I move back to this state with my 3 kids. I take the girls to R's house and M is there visiting--I left for work. When I picked them up 9 hours later M was still there, he wanted me to go on a date with him--i refused.
Long story, we did go on a date and had a great time. At the end M shows me a picture of a girl, and I ask him where he got the pic, she looks just like my youngest. He told me it was his daughter, and started taking about how amazing it is that our daughters look alike. I don't know how to tell this man that my daughter is his daughter too. A few months went by and we went on dates 3 nights a week, sometimes with the kids, sometimes without. We moved in together in May-our daughter started to call him dad on her own. I appoligized to him, he said it was ok. In June he came out and asked what the chances were that she could be his, I told him-that we were together and that she is his. Now M & I are holding this secret from R.
I told R from the time I was pregnant that he wasn't her dad, he insisted on signing the birth certificate. I need to break the news to R, what is the best way to do this? M wants to get the birth certificate and last name changed, I would like that as well-she needs to know her real family. I don't want to completely take her from R;s life unless he wants that.
Very confusing and long,
Thanks for the help
Selma

Welcome to the board, Selma1979 ~
I need a little better understanding before I can offer you any suggestions. I assume your ex knows that you and M are living together now, is he okay with that? I guess I don't understand where your concern is coming from, you aren't married to your ex, he already knew the baby wasn't his and he knows you're with M, with all that I'm not sure where the trouble spot comes in. I do understand that this baby was conceived at a time when you were freshly separated from your husband, but that was two years ago, it's not like you and your husband are together and he found out you were unfaithful to him. Do you think he'd be upset to know that the two of you were together that long ago? Has he never asked you who the baby's father is? Or does he suspect she's his despite that you've told him otherwise? What does M think your ex's reaction will be? Understanding a bit more about where your concern comes from, what you expect from your ex and why you expect him to react badly would help a lot.
Thanks in advance for the explanations, I'll be checking back for your answers.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"