newbie - man getting fat - means no s--x
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newbie - man getting fat - means no s--x
| Thu, 11-03-2005 - 11:52am |
hello everybody,
Last night my boyfriend and I had an argument about having sex. He said that he doesn't want to do it right now because he's getting fat. And he doesn't have the stamina and energy! Is it true that when a guy is getting fat, he's not interested in having sex anymore? I know there are other ways, but he just said NO to me last night. and it hurt my feelings.
kathe

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I've never dated an overweight guy, so I can't be sure.....but it is well known that overweight people do generally have less stamina and energy than someone who is a healthy weight. About the only thing I could suggest if he said "no" on a *regular basis* due to weight is to say "WELL, STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" I have little time for people who complain/make excuses but do nothing to change their situation.
However, I will comment on saying "No". Almost everyone says "no" from time to time and it's not something to be taken personally. Just wait till you've been married for years and are dealing with all the tiredness issues that come along with a family! One gets very used to saying "no" AND dealing with knockbacks.
It's OK to not be in the mood for sex and bravo to someone who says "no" rather than faking enjoyment.
he's not that overweight. from what he said that he's only like 10-15 lbs heavier than since we started going out. and I did talk to him about it and he said that he didnt want me to be disappointed. (that he can't satisfy me). And he said that I pressure him to perform good.
I must admit that I get upset if I'm not satisfied. The last couple of times that we did it, he did not satisfy me. And now it seems like he doesnt wanna do it until he loses the weight. In his mind he's not gonna perform good until he gets back in his old shape.
We stopped going to the gym since we moved in together. i guess i just have to understand him and respect when he says no.
thanks guys for all your response.
kathe-kathe
Well sex should be satisfying, but you aren't going to orgasm every time. It sounds like maybe you could orgasm but he doesn't quite get you there? If he finishes first there are other ways to make sure you're satisifed. Is that the problem or ???? When you say you get upset, what do you mean? How do you show that you're upset?
I guess I don't get the whole "perform good" thing. To me, you always do what you can when having sex, what's the difference between when he tries to perform good and when he doesn't?
i didn't understand it either when he was explaining it to me. I get upset and not talk to him until morning. I guess I should have explained it better. When we have sex, of course he always comes first and me then. But lately, it's just him that's having a good time and not me. We always stop when he's done. Coz I get frustrated with him. So I don't know, am I selfish on wanting to have orgasm too. It's suppose to be a two way street not just him. And now he's giving me excuses that he's getting fat that's why I can't orgasm. Or I'm pressuring him to make me reach the O.
hope that's better,
kathe
It sounds like you guys need to explore other ways to get you there, whether it's after he orgasms or maybe more foreplay or something else. I don't know, but you don't have to "jsut stop" when he's done. And what do you mean "of course he finishes first"? That might be the usual with him, but it doesn't have to be that way and it isn't usually that way for me in the relationships I've had. Maybe you ought to post on the sex boards.
I do know that if you make sex a problem (make your boyfriend feel like he's under big pressure to *make* you orgasm, chances are he's going to get it in his head that he'll fail and you're setting yourselves up for nothing but lousy sex.
You still didn't explain what you do when you "get upset when you're not satisfied".
Edited 11/3/2005 5:44 pm ET by marcymayschwartz
OK.....forget what I said earlier. 10 - 15lbs overweight should not effect someone's stamina. I now agree with the previous posters who've suggested that something else is going on here.
You said >>he didnt want me to be disappointed. (that he can't satisfy me). And he said that I pressure him to perform good. I must admit that I get upset if I'm not satisfied.<<
I can't help but think that he's having some type of insecurity issue happening here. When you get upset if you're not satisfied....what EXACTLY do you do? Is he perhaps avoiding sex with you so as to avoid your displeasure if you felt that he's not up to scratch? I'm also wondering how much time you spend pleasuring him....do you spend ages slaving on him while he gives nothing in return?
I totally agree that you need pleasure too, but the secret is to calmly discuss your wants and needs outside the bedroom at a convenient time. Discuss different scenarios and find ways to deal with them which will keep you both happy.
I just go to sleep or avoid him at all, not talk to him. You might be right on what you've said. I honestly think that we should discuss this between us. But the problem is I'm shy on talking things like this to him. I just don't know how to tell him to pleasure me.
Anyways, thanks to all your help.
I will talk to him tonight when we get home and see what happens.
>>But the problem is I'm shy on talking things like this to him. I just don't know how to tell him to pleasure me.<<
Well in that case, he can't be blamed at all if you're not satisfied. If you don't tell him what you want...and then give him the silent treatment when he can't guess....is it any surprise that he's avoiding sex with you? He's in a no-win situation.
If words don't come easily to you, then show him. Men are often very visual learners (and will get the ultimate turn on by watching you). If his caresses are ineffectual, take his hand (or your own) and show him what you want.
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