cl-2nd_life I need resources
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cl-2nd_life I need resources
| Fri, 11-04-2005 - 10:59pm |
cl-2nd_life,
I've been reading your feedback here for ages and have a lot of trust in what you say and your opinions and experience.

My feeling is the same as yours (I think) at this stage of the game they need real, professional help, not a book or an article. So much has gone on, built up and been buried that they need someone who can cut through it and see things for what they are. They've got layers upon layers of problems, anger, hurts, animosity above and beyond what issues caused the problems to begin with, I can't think they'd even begin to be able to get through to get to the root. Reading books and articles may be helpful, but they're too close to the situation to be able to see things objectively, their views will be distorted and slanted even if they think they're not. Not only that, but a therapist can see incidents, misunderstandings, etc, that could well have caused a lot of this. They'll never see those things, if they had, they wouldn't be where they are. I think books and articles will help them with the surface stuff -- maybe. But the problems will really still be there and maybe they won't help at all. Fact is, they're at the point now where they can't work on their problems effectively together, their too hurt, angry, and broken down. Working out of a book is still working alone together, you know?
Has your sister considered seeing a therapist on her own before going with her husband? I don't know what her concerns are, but getting some of her stuff out alone, privately might help her feel better and more confident about working with a therapist and her husband. She'll have the chance to gain some clarity on her issues, wants and needs there too. Just a thought. Not to leave her husband out in the cold, he could do the same, and honestly, often therapists have couples work individually before working together.
I don't really have any books I can suggest firsthand. Itwinflame often suggests Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue", and I do have a lot of respect for Itwinflame's posts. I don't know if she's actually read the book or not.....Itwinflame, care to comment? I'm a huge fan of Barbara DeAngelis, but haven't read her in anything that would be helpful here. I have an article on communicating I could post (need to anyway), but again, articles and books are Band-Aids and they're a Code Blue in ER.
I'm sorry I'm not being more helpful. Hopefully others will post with book suggestions, but honestly, I think the only way to go is counseling. IMO books are for niggling problems that don't go away, not full-blown, at the brink of divorce problems. Counselors see other counselors when they have problems, that says a lot.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown

my signature exchange partner:"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Thank you -- and you know what?