normal feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
normal feelings?
15
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 3:31pm
I am new too this and just wondering if this is normal blue feelings or something more to it. Lately I have felt really sad and longing for life feelings I have had long ago. The thrill of a new love or flirting with someone new or just the way I felt when I was younger. i am not that old only mid 20's but married w/ 2 beautiful children. I just feel sad and long for something from the past I don't have but I can't put my finger on what exactly. I love my husband and family and wouldn't dream of changing it or cheating or anything like that, I just find myself day dreaming of another person I know or flirting a bit to much at work. I guess I am hoping to have that "new" exciting feeling again I just have a hard time explaining what it is a I feel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: katie220
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 5:51pm

I think we all have those moments where the grass seems greener on the other side, and we miss those heady days of flirtations and dating.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: katie220
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 5:52pm

Yep, I understand. I'm almost 40 and have been with my partner for 14 years and STILL miss that initial excitement. I miss the chemstry and I miss that zing of excitement. I miss wondering if he'll call and I miss that first kiss/first sex. That's not to say I have a bad relationship, because I don't. I just missed those feelings. And yes, I still find myself wondering what it would be like with the odd man I meet. NOT serious fantasies...just a bit of a daydream.

I think it's not an unusal feeling we have, but it's something that has to be largely ignored. Let's face it, the only way to undulge the feelings is by an affair or breaking up. And we don't want to go there.

I especially remember those feelings being very strong a few years back, but since then I've been able to work on my own contentment. For me, it was about accepting those feelings and realising that they're a part of my past. And then focusing on all the great things in my marriage. And when I was in the workforce, I had to made a conscious effort to STOP flirting with co-workers. The flirting just makes it harder....it's like feeding a hunger. I found that if I stuck with girlfriends, it was so much easier.

Sorry I can't be of more help - but you're not alone.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 2:25am
How long have you been married? How long were you and your husband dating before that? How old are your kids? How often do you get out on your own or with your husband for fun (dates) without the kids?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 2:28am
Kim and Aisha ~ I'm not disagreeing with you, but I have to ask, do you think those feelings and longings are "normal" (whatever that is) for someone in their 20's?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 1:35pm

I don't think it's necessarily an 'age' issue -- I think it's more of a 'how long I've been with my partner' issue.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 4:12pm
we met when I was 16 married right before I turned 18, had my 1st at 19 my 2nd at 23.He is the only person I have ever "been" with. I don't want to change my life I love my family I just can't stop thinking about this person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 6:30pm

Katie,


Thanks for coming back and answering cl-2nd_life's question.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: katie220
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 11:13pm
Hang on there Katie, are you saying this is about one person you're feeling things for? In your first post it appeared that your feelings were general feelings, not focused on anyone in particular. These two things are very different and depending on your response, my answer will be completely different from one situation to the other.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
when you don't get what you want."

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: katie220
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 12:02pm

I just read an article that said one thing that all women eventually miss is that feeling of "new love" that magic of falling in love. So I would have to say that what you are feeling IS normal. Try to find those cute little things about your husband that made you fall in love with him in the first place. They often times get lost in the shuffle of taking care of the children and the house. And don't underestimate the importance of a regular "date night". Do you have those? Try to have at least one every other week. Most importantly talk to your husband. Tell him how you miss that "newly in-love" feeling and come up with some interesting ways to get it back. Whatever you do, if you know (as you say you do) you want to be nowhere else but with your husband, than DO NOT act on those daydreams. I also know that flirting can make you feel good, but too much or with the wrong person can end up in nothing but trouble.

Good luck.

Seapines

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: katie220
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 7:20pm

Katie, I'm with 2nd life. Knowing that you're feeling this way about ONE man would make a very different reply from me. Could you tell us about your situation? I promise to not be judgemental, because this is one of my own demons that I've had to conquer.

>>As far as not being able to stop thinking about a certain person -- in reality, you can stop. When he enters your mind, you tell yourself, "I'm not thinking about him" and switch. You keep consciously doing this until the thoughts become less and less.<<

Kimbirdy, how I envy you being strong enough to redirect your thought patterns. If it were me, it would take nothing less than a job change (assuming he's a co-worker) to rid my mind of thinking about the other man.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace

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