Getting better!
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Getting better!
| Tue, 10-03-2006 - 4:52pm |
Hello all...I posted here a few weeks ago about husband and housework....pretty much just general frustration in my relationship with my husband! In the past couple weeks, we have had some break throughs in our issues. Alot of my frustration was coming from the distance that we had between us that I realized, but he did not. I would bring this up to him and he would automatically get very defensive, saying that all he hears is that he screwed up, and then he would stop listening to what I was telling him. He would never tell me how he felt about anything that was happening with us. He would just go into his shell and pretend that nothing was wrong. I tried and tried to get my feelings across to him, to no avail. We were at the point of not speaking to one another, but writing letters and notes so that there was not an arguement to follow. I called him from work one night after two days of this letter writing going on, and told him that I hated the communication through letters and just wanted to let him know that I loved him and I missed him. He was not home so he called me back when he got home and told me that he was reading my last letter, and things were starting to sink in. He said that he realized that he was being very defensive, but he did not know why. He said he did not want to talk about it over the phone, but that he loved me ALOT, and to wake him up when I got home in the morning. I did that, and we talked for a few hours about the things that were coming between us. We havent talked like that for a LONG time! Since that morning, its like a whole new relationship! He will actually tell me how he feels when I ask him, and he listens to me without getting PO'd. Im not saying that everything is perfect, and nor do I expect it to be. But I am VERY pleased with the changes that have been made on both of our parts. Im trying to think about how to tell him exactly how I feel in a way that he wont feel like Im attacking him, and he is trying to listen to me without judging my emotions. He has also agreed to work with me on making the relationship better on an everyday basis, and to concentrate our efforts on moving forward instead of playing the blame and guilt game.
I just wanted to say thank you to those who gave me the advice when I needed it, and to let all those out there that things can get better if you try.
Thanks again!
Dawn
I just wanted to say thank you to those who gave me the advice when I needed it, and to let all those out there that things can get better if you try.
Thanks again!
Dawn

Husband and housework
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
If you're looking for suggestions to keep it going, there are some really great therapist approved articles in our Information and Resources section:
Ten Rules For Fair Fighting
Verbal Fencing With Someone You Love
Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
Conflicts - Points to Remember
as well as a great therapist approved "lesson plan" for better communication:1. Lessons in Communication & Assertion
2. Lessons cont. - Steps to Assertion
3. Lessons cont. - Language of Assertion
4. Lessons cont. - More on Communication
5. Dialogue to Improve Your Marriage
In the book world, "Relationship Rescue" by Dr. Phil is recommended a lot (though I've not read it) as is "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate" by Gary Chapman . Another good book for understanding the differences in communication and needs in men and women is " Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus " by Dr. John Gray .
I'd also encourage you to see a counselor to help you stay on track (if you think you need it), and a marriage workshop is always a great idea too.
I hope he's doing his share of the housework too....!
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"