cycle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
cycle
3
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 12:52pm
I have been dating this guy on and off for over a year..I just know he;'s not for me. We are both 20 and in college and I have told him that i dont like when he walks in front of me, cuts me off, and doesnt offer to pay. Over the last year I have told him my troubles w him and he has been trying to work on them. They also incude him being a distant different arrogant cocky person when we leave campusor go visit his family..he just turns into another person. I have tried to break up w him like 6 times but it never lasts bc he always tries to get back and wont let my answer stay..I realized I like his "affection" more than his personality I guess..its hard to break up w him bc im so used to him and im sure if i tell him again he will be like yeah ok, ry and convince me and then we would be back like in a month...he never give sme time to get over him, plus I think the whole campus thinks we r together even tho we r not officially now. This guy even asks people about me like in detail to find out about me behind my back..I dont wanna know this..he goes to parties, SEARCHING for me. So..I like the phsyical aspect but maybe i should end it Thing is, he wont let me..he never does..and hes hard it all before. We had fun last night..in regards to "fun affection." I couldnt stand him when i first saw him last night.. when he was w my friends. he was so socky and arrogant but then when we r alone i like his affection. What do I do..I dont like his cocky arrogance...and why does he do this when we go out for dinner or to a movie..I explain to him what i dont like but he repeats it slightly..even tho hes getting better. How do I not fall into his traps? I dont wanna be lonley I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 2:33pm

Welcome back, Tunatartar ~ Because I'm at work I'm not able to read or respond to your post, but I peeked in and of course recognized your name. I wanted to provide the link to your previous post so that others have the benefit of better understanding and insight of your relationship and, as a result are better able to give you informed thoughts and opinions.


paying
paying2
romance
does he love me or my looks
sexy


Many posters find it very helpful to re-read their old posts, in doing so they can often recognize growth - or lack of it in their relationship and often see their issues more clearly as they aren't in the middle of the emotion as they were when they posted them originally. I hope they help you, too.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: tunatartar
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 7:34pm

Tunatartar, there is one thing I'm really confused about.

If he's truly so arrogant and cocky, and if he really treats you badly, why do your friends have him at their parties? I know that if a friend of mine had dumped a man who was cocky and arrogant, he would not get invited out with us. If he turned up uninvited, he would be asked to leave.

Either he's not really that bad or they're not really your friends. Which is it?

Also, have you realised that you're blaming HIM for not being able to break up? Sweetie, the buck stops with YOU. What he says and does has no bearing on the situation.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 9:46pm
You said, "I have tried to break up w him like 6 times but it never lasts bc he always tries to get back and wont let my answer stay"Tuna, he can't not let my answer stay. The only person who can agree to go back with him is you. I will guarantee that every time you take him back it will be harder to convince him that you mean it because every time you take him back you're proving to him that you don't mean it, that if he tries you'll go back.


Why does he act arrogant and cocky when you go out to dinner, etc? Because that's who he is, and that isn't going to change. You can choose to be lonely for a while and finally have an opportunity to meet a guy who's right for you or you can jump back to him for convenience. But, jumping back to him will mean you're with a guy you don't like. Do you want instant gratification or do you want long term happiness? You can't have both, you have to choose, you have to decide, then you have to make it happen. You recognize this is a cycle, so break it. If you decide to stay with him, you need to do so accepting him as he is, happily, no complaints, no unhappiness. If you decide to end it once and for all, then make it happen and make it stick. Tell him you're done and tell him you don't want to see or contact from him again and mean it. The truth of the matter is he doesn't talk you into getting back together, you choose it, you are the one who decides to go back. Even if you "just give up and go along with him", you're allowing it to happen, and you're making the decision to let it happen. YOU are making the choice. He can't talk you into going back if you don't talk to him, after you've told him it's over don't talk to him. If he calls, hang up. Block his number and his email address. If he's at a party that you're at, leave. If he's with your friends, don't hang around them. If he knocks on your door, don't answer it. If he continues to call or come by, call the police and report him as a unwanted person who has been asked to stop contacting you. If you see him on campus, go the other way. Continued attempted contact should make you angry and insulted, not weak. You should be angry that he doesn't respect your wishes, that he doesn't believe you, that he thinks he can push you into seeing him again. The fact is Tuna, he can't. The only person who can get you to go back with him is you. You can't control what he does, but you can control what you do and that's exactly where the problem lies.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"