Trust issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Trust issues
4
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 4:55pm
I posted here a few months ago about insecurity issues I have had and I guess this is just adding on to it, as it hasn't gone away. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 2 years, living together a year. It has only been in the last few months I have been having crazy thoughts about it. I guess it's because up until a few months ago we were basically together 24/7 and now he is finding other hobbies and things to do so he is away from home quite often. I have a way of twisting things into crazy ideas and I don't know how to stop it! He leaves his phone in his car so i think maybe he's got girls numbers on his phone. He wants to take my car to go somewhere instead of his so I wonder what he's got hiding in there. He says he's going to go shopping for my birthday and I wonder if he's really doing that or what. I go in the closet and see his tennis shoes missing while he's been at work and I wonder why he took those shoes, what is he doing after work, who is he seeing? He has NEVER done a thing to make me not trust him so I have no clue why I would think such things! I questioned why he went to walmart last night for cough syrup instead of a closer drug store and he finally got upset and said "it all comes down to you don't trust me...i've never done anything for you not to trust me and i don't know if i can stay with someone who doesn't trust me." Now I feel like it could be over between us and I still don't know how to stop the crazy thoughts. I feel like I'm going to lose a good guy and I don't know how to fix things. I'm driving myself nuts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: kelly014me
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 6:25pm

Kelly, I'm waiting for cl 2nd-life to post some of your history here before I post.

But in the meantime, what proactive approach are you taking to address your insecurities? I assume you're doing counselling? How's it going?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
In reply to: kelly014me
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 9:18pm
Actually, I went to counseling twice and didn't really like the lady that was helping me so I never went back. I was hoping there was a way to get over this without needing professional help but I am starting to think that is the only way. What kind of therapist would I talk to??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kelly014me
Sun, 10-08-2006 - 10:21pm
Welcome back, Kelly014me ~ it's been a busy weekend and it hasn't slowed down yet. I won’t be able to answer your post for a bit yet, but I wanted to provide the links to your previous posts as soon as I could so that others who might be able to get to your post before I do can get a better feel for your situation and history and as a result be better able to offer thoughts and suggestions that fit your actual situation and can be more helpful to you.

You might read through your old post and the suggestions you received too, even though it hasn't been that long. Many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they're able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement, or lack of, in their situations. I hope you find it as helpful as many do:


Insecurities! Help!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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Edited 10/9/2006 1:35 am ET by cl-2nd_life








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kelly014me
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 1:04am
Kelly, I think you're absolutely right, it's time to take care of this issue once and for all. If this were something you were able to resolve on your own you'd have done it already, letting an issue slowly destroy your relationship isn't something you'd just choose to let happen if you could fix it yourself.


The relationship you have with your therapist is vital to making progress and resolving your issues. Obviously, the therapist you're looking for needs to be someone who is a licensed professional. Here are some links to articles and websites that should help you find the right therapist for you:


Professional mental health and addiction initials and acronyms
Interviewing and Selecting your Psychotherapist
YOUR THERAPIST/COUNSELOR'S CREDENTIALS

Often partners who are "fed up" with their partner's behavior are encouraged to stay when they see their partner make the effort to get to the bottom of their issue and resolve it. I hope your boyfriend does too; but -- whether he does or doesn't, you should want to continue in therapy and resolve your issue for yourself, not just for the sake of your current relationship.

Best of luck, Kelly ~







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"